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Going postal.

I have many stresses in life, lord knows. Probably a little more than many, less than some, the same amount as a lot. Despite all these heavy balls and chain devices that I drag about here and there, I manage to stay relatively calm and level-headed.

There is one thing, however... one thing that I fear will make me snap.

The subway stop where I exit for work has three revolving doors/cages. Those are the only way to get on or off the subway on the south end of the platform. For the out of towners, they look something like this:



Well, they look like that without a bike crammed inside it.

Anyway... on either side of the three revolving cages are emergency exit doors. The kind that emit a shrieking melody of emergency song. The song is loud, the song is never ending, the song is annoying as all fucking hell.

Every morning, and I do mean every morning, the southern most emergency door is thrown open by someone who cannot bear using the revolving door. OK, maybe there is a little bottleneck at times at the doors, but really, how long does it take to go through it? But no... they throw open the door, giving my left ear a nice blast of sheer annoyance.

Not 30 seconds later, the right door is thrown open. The wail coming from that door is for some reason louder, and thus, more annoying. Grating in fact.

The end result? No one uses the revolving doors. Instead, the bottleneck has now relocated to the emergency doors, filled with people waiting to go through the door unencumbered with having to push the revolving door a few feet to exit. And the songs go on and on and on and on... seemingly growing louder and louder and louder and louder...

Oh, and me cursing internally because of my morning emergency exit song wake-up call.

At first, I would fantasize about being a cop, waiting on the other side of those doors. I would wait there, like a hunter silently stalking his prey. As soon as the first jackass threw open the emergency door when clearly the only emergency was their own impatience - I would nail him. Write him/her up right then and there with a nice fat citation. Mmmmm... that would be so much fun.

But after a year of this symphony of madness, I am close to losing it. Now, I fantasize about being The Punisher, waiting there with my gun in hand. And the very moment the emergency door swings open, I blast the sucka. Wanna give me a headache every morning? Ooops... so sorry, looks like you have the headache now. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!!

Yeah, I think I should go back to drinking my coffee now. Thanks for listening.

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
luna_littleone
May. 10th, 2007 01:56 pm (UTC)
My stop only has two revolving doors and the emergency door. They actually disable the alarm on the door during rush hour because there really is no other way to deal with it. Hopefully with all the changes they are doing in my neck of the woods it will make it easier.

I feel your pain though.
Maybe they should make a video game based on the commute from hell.
;)
high4tower
May. 10th, 2007 01:57 pm (UTC)
Dude, call 311. Every day that it happens, call 311.

Meanwhile, get some earplugs.
auntiemisha
May. 10th, 2007 05:01 pm (UTC)
call 311. And maybe put up a poster in the subway telling people to dial 311 if they are angry about it too (probably will be torn down quickly but if even one commute's worth of people see it, I bet there would be a ton of calls).
tripartite
May. 10th, 2007 02:16 pm (UTC)
At first, I would fantasize about being a cop,..Now, I fantasize about being The Punisher,

Isn't it fun to watch the stupid punished? :) I agree, call the cops.
redhead_sue
May. 10th, 2007 03:35 pm (UTC)
Man, I have so many commuting pet peeves, you don't even want to get me started. They even divide into categories: pedestrian behavior, subway behavior, car/bus driver behavior. You wouldn't believe the mental monologue that goes on in my head in the two avenues I walk to work.
deafdyke
May. 10th, 2007 05:04 pm (UTC)
I was gonna suggest earplugs, but revenge fantasizing is so much more fun.
lolitasir
May. 10th, 2007 05:33 pm (UTC)
Ride your bike to work.
feyrieprincess
May. 10th, 2007 06:06 pm (UTC)
haha we know what they look like...
Read my post for today
It will cheer you up
feyrieprincess
May. 10th, 2007 06:06 pm (UTC)
baffled
PS...
wait a minute
Why are you taking a bike on the train....
clayfoot
May. 10th, 2007 06:26 pm (UTC)
Sounds to me like you live in a city full of mass transit riding sadists.
taliakit
May. 10th, 2007 08:14 pm (UTC)
What Lolita said :D

*squeeze*
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )