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An open letter to stupid behavior.

NOTE - This is a rant. This is not PC. It might not make me friends. I'm posting it anyway.

Another year, another opportunity to rant and rave about the same thing. Last year, in the months leading up to Leather Retreat, I wrote a post deploring a certain behavior pattern observed on the event's community website. You see, this event, and several like it, offer up a community system that allows attendees to post and browse profiles, make play dates, host parties, and other cool social networking opportunities.

It's an awesome system.

One of the profile browser's features is to view a list of who posted or changed their profiles most recently. The most recent comes at the top of the list. Due to the immediateness, this feature is what I suspect to be the most viewed page on the system. Every day, most attendees check this list to see if their friends are coming, or if there is someone new and cool that they want to meet.

Which is great! Until attention whores abuse the privilege.

I wrote about this last year under a friend's only locked post. Those on my friends list can read the original here.

With Dark Odyssey Winter Fire quickly approaching, the people who inspired last year's post are doing it again. So now I take this to a wider audience.

There is a group of individuals who together find it necessary year after year after unbelievable year to ensure that their profiles are always on the top of the list. They go into their profile and change something - a space, a period, maybe even nothing... and that way their profile is on the top once again.

And. It. Drives. Me. Mad.

Does this really work? Are you enjoying an overabundance of play partners because they saw your profiles up on top??? I mean, is there a social class system in place here where only those on top of the Recent Profiles page are cool and worthy of play, and others down below are not? I certainly haven't experienced this... I'm certainly not complaining about the amount of action I've received at past events. But who knows? Maybe I'm missing the boat! Maybe by not ensuring my place at the top of the list I'm a giant loser who is SOOOOOO pathetic that my profile is 2-hours out of date!!! Oh no! I'M NOT COOL BECAUSE I'M NOT THE MOST RECENT PROFILE ON THE LIST!!!!! I must commit sepuku!!!!!! Aieeeee it hurts!!!

Oh wait. That's right. I don't endlessly change my profile because I actually have a life.

Putz.

Comments

( 42 comments — Leave a comment )
jennifer_eve
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:06 pm (UTC)
That behavior would seem to override what was originally the purpose of this feature, which (I would imagine) is to allow people to view new and/or DIFFERENT group members.

Because I really hate confrontation, I would probably just ignore it, but I can understand why this would really annoy the shit out of you. The only thing I can suggest would be writing to whomever hosts the site, and suggest that one person not be allowed to be featured more than, say, once in every 5 or 10 days.

P.S. I like your posts (from what I've read). so I've added you as a friend. Obviously feel free to add me back, if you want to.
boymeat
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:14 pm (UTC)
Oh, I don't at all think the site should be changed at all. Idiots clamoring for attention should have every opportunity to be revealed for who they are.

And they deserve to be written about, too.
thornyc
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:30 pm (UTC)

Why not name (user)names?

I'm a firm believer in public humiliation.

mudcub
Jan. 27th, 2009 05:46 pm (UTC)
(raises hand, vounteering to be humiliated)
thornyc
Jan. 23rd, 2009 05:48 pm (UTC)

It sounds like want to use the feature for what it was likely intended for -- to see which friends and acquaintances (and "new meat"!) have registered and are coming to the event.

I think you should contact the event's organizers and webmaster/mistress (and maybe attach copies of your relevant posts) and suggest that they change it so that that part of the site displays the profiles of those newly registered for the event, not profiles that are newly edited. It sounds easily code-able, and would truly make this a useful feature for all, instead of just a toy for the neurotically insecure.

boymeat
Jan. 23rd, 2009 07:18 pm (UTC)
No... I really feel like changing it would do us a disservice. Giving the intelligent access to the knowledge that these people are so obsessed with their self-image that they must keep themselves on the top of the list all the time comes in really handy when you are figuring out who you want to interact with.

That was a really long sentence, but I think the gist is there.
thornyc
Jan. 23rd, 2009 07:28 pm (UTC)

stupid behavior... rant... might not make me friends... I'm posting it anyway... rant and rave... abuse the privilege... And. It. Drives. Me. Mad. ...

There should be a name for this, something like the Stockholm Syndrome: people who have a vested interest in not changing things that annoy them, simply so they can continue complaining about it.

Oh, that's right -- you're Jewish. ;)

kathryntact
Jan. 23rd, 2009 07:51 pm (UTC)
Erm.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

/me explodez
taliakit
Jan. 26th, 2009 03:00 am (UTC)
got it in one!
haptotrope
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:06 pm (UTC)
Welcome to the myspace generation.

May you find some hot new meat in the middle of all those false updaters.
wescobear
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:08 pm (UTC)
So kind of like the Recon 'top 100 photos' feature? Perhaps half of the posters on the Recon 'top 100' are the same worn-out queens posting over and over. And of that precious group, maybe a third don't even bother to post new pics, they just continuously resubmit the same tired five year old pics.

Yawn.
boymeat
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:16 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it's quite similar to that. I never paid attention to the Top 100 on Recon when I was on it.
bostontim
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:19 pm (UTC)
This happens on Bear411 as well...but comes in the form of logging off and back on a lot in order to remain at the top of any searches of those on-line, because they think folks are too lazy to look past the first couple of pages of profiles.
boymeat
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:23 pm (UTC)
The sad thing is most people ARE too lazy to look beyond the 1st few pages.
panther
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:10 pm (UTC)
I agreed with you last time you said this....and I agree again. BUT what are you suggesting the organizers do? I think they WANT recent ones or recently changed ones on top. Make a limit of how many times you can update, maybe?
boymeat
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:15 pm (UTC)
I'm not suggesting they do a thing... in fact, they shouldn't. See my answer to jennifer_joilet above.
(Deleted comment)
boymeat
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:15 pm (UTC)
Well, I think I notice it because I'm one of those neurotic people who checks the website all the time too.

Which probably makes me just as silly.
sjo
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:17 pm (UTC)
I should actually look at my profile and see what needs updating, if anything! I created it, like, months ago.

And yeah, people who are desperate to be at the top of the list, WTF? I figure if someone reads my profile and wants to chitchat, groovy. If not, that's okay too. One of the reasons I go to events is to meet new people, but also I go to see people whom I don't see often enough anyway... and to LEARN things...

Anyway, I totally sympathize with your rant.
mister_don
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:17 pm (UTC)
Such people come across as extremely insecure as well as immature.
Your criticism of such boorish behavior seems more than justified.
cuteswitch
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:20 pm (UTC)
Marc and I comment about this all the time. While this habit is incredibly irritating, I am amused by the narcissism that leads to it.
boymeat
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:26 pm (UTC)
I do give them credit for their tenacity. I mean, every year without fail!
dawne_vs_luna
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:23 pm (UTC)
I never understood this behavior.
Tres annoying.

I'm considering a vending pass for one day to at least see some people at WF.

Maybe I'll see you around. :-)
lil_laurel
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:27 pm (UTC)
i've seen that for other events too. i get that some people do change their profile a bunch (usually when they first fill it out, then see something isn't right, fix it, check it again, fix it). but the 'fake' changes to stay on page 1 make no sense. if i've seen your profile every day i don't keep looking at it or anything. *shrugs*
becalyn
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:52 pm (UTC)
I was bitching about this with the BR08 website. Drives me crazy. Though, I know some of the cause is from people going in and answering those silly questions that people can add to profiles. Whenever new questions are added they answer them and their profile goes back to the top.

The more I see a profile on top the more I ignore it.....but I'm obstinate that way.
boymeat
Jan. 23rd, 2009 07:19 pm (UTC)
The way I heard it, you like things better on the bottom. ;-)
becalyn
Jan. 23rd, 2009 07:27 pm (UTC)
As bottom as I can get baby! ;)
spikydave
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:53 pm (UTC)
I would actually hypothesize that they change their profile so often to remain on top not because that way they get a ton of action, rather they're so desperate for action it's the only thing they can think of doing in order to get an ounce of attention and maybe a hookup. *chuckle*

On the other hand, calling attention to this is giving them even some attention that they are obviously so desperate for...I mean, if they had a life and lots of play going on, they wouldn't have time to sit in front of the screen making sure their profile is on top!
kinkmogul
Jan. 23rd, 2009 05:46 pm (UTC)
I love your rants. And getting into your pants.
boymeat
Jan. 23rd, 2009 07:18 pm (UTC)
You are my favorite poet EVER.
willowrrain
Jan. 23rd, 2009 07:52 pm (UTC)
this made me laugh, and I feel for ya. I do have to admit that if I was even a tiny bit more sadistic than I am... or say.. if I didn't have an actual life and had the time to do this. What a fun and unusual way to torture you. It could be a fun game, but I'm not even going to that event, and crap there is tons of stuff to do...

but still...

I admit I giggled at the potential for crazy making mischief and silly tomfoolery.

boymeat
Jan. 23rd, 2009 07:55 pm (UTC)
On a similar theme, I often think about going up to these people at the event and going, "Hey, who are you? Did you ever put up a profile, I never saw you on there..."
jkuroda
Jan. 23rd, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC)
*bump*
But at least it was to actually and finally fill out my profile. I should find that monkey mask again.
masterhyde
Jan. 23rd, 2009 08:54 pm (UTC)
I wonder if these attention whores do the same thing on Collarme. CM uses a similar system, sorting users by how recently they've been online, and then adding a user to the New Users (Fresh Meat!) list every time his/her profile is changed/updated.

I've been to Leather Retreat a few times, and I liked the community area of the web site. But I never noticed the behavior you mention. Then again, if they weren't Hot Chicks, I probably didn't see them at all. -smiles-

Personally, if it were me, I would have had the list sort alphabetically by badge name. I would have found that more user friendly, but I realize it's just my own preference.
purplepathos
Jan. 27th, 2009 05:00 pm (UTC)
For what it's worth, I confronted one of them (who happens to be a friend of mine) last year or the year before, gently, and he said that he did it because it made it easier to see which of the other profiles were new since he'd last checked--that way, any user names above his on the list were obviously new. Amusingly, I see that he is now ridiculing people for doing exactly what he used to do. :)
kristinewithak
Jan. 27th, 2009 05:29 pm (UTC)
One thing I've noticed about this issue, is a lot of these people are either real "newbies" or semi "newbies" who are just so excited about EVERYTHING! and feel like they are the first to discover all of these wonderful,exciting,and crazy experiences! Every day they think of something else they like or dislike... Really, this lifestyle attracts a lot of attention whores, many who don't realize that they are attention whores, until they start to receive a lot of attention. (Yes, I was one of those) For some people it's just so thrilling at first that it takes over their lives...
boymeat
Jan. 27th, 2009 05:42 pm (UTC)
If this were due to the exuberance of someone new to the scene, I would not have an issue with it at all. The group of people I am referring to have been doing this for YEARS. They go to almost every Dark Odyssey and Leather Retreat event, and do this every single time.

No, they are not newbies. They have years of experience, if you believe their profiles.
kristinewithak
Jan. 27th, 2009 05:58 pm (UTC)
Yeah,
In these cases, I think they are the people who are legends in their own minds...
clayfoot
Jan. 28th, 2009 02:16 am (UTC)
Sounds like a challenge to me. Write a Greasemonkey script to drop the worst offenders to the bottom of the list. Shouldn't be too hard.
deafdyke
Jan. 28th, 2009 02:59 am (UTC)
It should be changed so that only newly registered profiles appear at the top. There will be plenty of other things left to rant about, I'm sure :)

(Anonymous)
Jan. 28th, 2009 11:48 am (UTC)
Crabs don't feel time passing...we ride tides...
boymeat
Jan. 29th, 2009 01:00 am (UTC)
I saw someone wearing that at Arisia! Mighty cute.
( 42 comments — Leave a comment )

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