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What fills the space is key.

As those who have visited my home in the past know all full well... I can be a bit of a slob.

When left to my own devices, my apartment sometimes gets forgotten in the hustles and bustles of life. Clothes get thrown on the floor, newspapers and boxes completely and totally succeed at avoiding the recycling room downstairs, and various scraps of paper and wrappers fail to find their way to the trash receptacle.

Would one go as far as calling it a bachelor pad? Perhaps... though I think bachelor pads are generally cleaner.

So when kathryntact came up to NY last Friday for her final visit to NY as a non-New Yorker, I was both ecstatic and scared out of my wits. Ecstatic to see her and have her going to slumber and waking up with me daily for a week. Yet, horrified because she would see that state of my apartment and truly decide that beheading me would be a much more satisfying option than living with me.

Thankfully, I am still in possession of my head, one week later. But it was close. Real close.

It was a week of cleaning (more her than me), apologizing (so much of the me), time with friends, dining in, snuggling on the couch watching TV, geeking out on books or video games, and sex. (Gotta slip the sex in there.) In one week, my apartment has transformed itself from tornado victim to... home.

Her books are on the shelves next to mine. Her DVDs mingle and party with mine. A photo of her mother clutching a baby Kathryn sits on the shelves next to the bed. It feels good.

kathryntact drove back home yesterday afternoon, and I did not feel sadness per se as I knew it will be mere weeks until we see each other again, and then begin seeing each other a whole lot more (i.e. daily, living together, oh dear lord she's gonna learn to hate me kind of thing.) Instead of sadness, I felt loneliness.

You see, a clean apartment is a wonderful thing, yes. But all that clutter that I had before takes up space. Lots of it. And it makes the apartment feel crowded and tight and cramped. But now that everything is where it should be, after bags and boxes of stuff leaving the apartment for parts unknown, after the great reveal of more floorspace than anyone ever knew I had... the apartment is open. Way open. Wide clean empty spaces everywhere you look.

And it's lonely in there now. I laid in bed last night looking around my apartment, and wondered what was missing.

And I can honestly say kathryntact was missing. It doesn't feel like home without her now.

Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
eric_mathgeek
May. 4th, 2009 01:55 pm (UTC)
aw. *hugs*

I am so looking forward to watching the domesticated boymeat develop... I hope you plan to post a *little* more often when the big move finally happens.

Oh, and in case I haven't said it? I am very happy for you. *hugs*
katestine
May. 4th, 2009 02:00 pm (UTC)
awww.. *schmoop*

and *hugs*
ciani
May. 4th, 2009 02:08 pm (UTC)
you should really take pictures of your place so that you have proof!
Lonely isn't so bad when you know it's temporary *hugs*
dawne_vs_luna
May. 4th, 2009 02:15 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

It will get better soon. You have that to hold onto.
Very excited for you!
This is a big step!
boy_wonderwolf
May. 4th, 2009 02:17 pm (UTC)
How sweet! I wish you both much happiness in your soon-to-be cohabitation.
nex0s
May. 4th, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC)
Aw, that's sweet :) Congratulations on your soon-to-be-live-in-love :)

N.
professorbird
May. 4th, 2009 02:34 pm (UTC)
Wishing you a short period of loneliness that is quickly filled with joy and happiness.
impgrrl
May. 4th, 2009 02:44 pm (UTC)
I sincerely feel that you two are awesome together. Yay for sadness turned to loneliness, because that means there's something to be lonely *for*. And it's not long now.

:)
thornyc
May. 4th, 2009 02:45 pm (UTC)

It must be true love if she's willing to move in with a slob like you.

You're a lucky man. Best wishes for years and years and years of happiness together.

feyrieprincess
May. 4th, 2009 04:00 pm (UTC)
YAY for your beautiful love!
Knowing you two have found each other
and are together and happy and in love
makes me incredibly happy
animedarling
May. 4th, 2009 04:57 pm (UTC)
Yay to domestic bliss soon to be! I know that feeling of loneliness well having spent months apart from my love, but to know when it's going to end is *the* biggest comfort.
angel320
May. 4th, 2009 06:35 pm (UTC)
And I can honestly say [info]kathryntact was missing. It doesn't feel like home without her now.

Hope that feeling stays with you always....wishing much happiness
to you both :)
victoriakg
May. 4th, 2009 08:17 pm (UTC)
willowrrain
May. 5th, 2009 12:04 am (UTC)
this post made my heart smile :)
taliakit
May. 5th, 2009 12:29 am (UTC)
not-snarky-comment:
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! <3 <3 <3


snarky comment:
PICZ OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN

Seriously .. we want pics of the new look!
dk_leathers
May. 5th, 2009 10:24 am (UTC)
aw bless... ~grin~

Meanwhile, how's the fish tank? ;-)
tripartite
May. 6th, 2009 05:58 am (UTC)
And it's lonely in there now. I laid in bed last night looking around my apartment, and wondered what was missing.
I spent Thursday through Monday moving pleasuregelf out of my house after almost 7 years of living together in my house and 9 years if you include us sharing apartments. My place is empty now, barren. Most of the furniture was hers. I feel a great emptiness now. Both in the house and me. I hope it gets better for you.
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )