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California Dreaming

What a whirlwind week. I am now home, I think recovering... but I'm not sure if that is totally the right word for it. I am older, somewhat wiser (I'd like to think...), somewhat more whimsical, things taken away, and added... and, passed down.

Wow. That was pretty darn cryptic.

There is so much to say, so much to write about... and I know that hardly any of it will actually find its way onto this journal. So, we'll start with the easy stuff, and work our way down.

I have no more facial hair. Lolita has been wanting me shaved for a long time now, and it finally happened. Monica, aka my Uncle Nico Boy, took a straight razor to my face and in 10 minutes it was all gone. Taking things away right after...

...things were added. For years, I was trying to get my entire leather family together in one spot. When family members are in NYC, Seattle, San Jose and LA, that can be pretty tough. And it never happened. This weekend was in large part a memorial to Bear, my grandpoppa, and we all finally came together. On my right arm is now a fallen angel... I cannot think of a more perfect tribute to my Poppa Bear. Each of the family is in this cutting... each held the scalpel for their own contribution. My Mommy Cara designed the piece, and gave it her love. I will ensure that this is on my arm forever, as Bear is in me forever. Bear watched on through the entire cutting... in pictures staring at me, and from above. Bear - you always wanted to cut me. Now you have.

I experienced terrific hospitality from a pug, including 1st rate provisions in West Hollywood. I think pug was sufficiently thanked... as she will be purple for a long, long time.

My nephew Brian has made me an amazingly proud uncle. I am so happy you were able to enter the House of Consent. My family is made of wolves... so of course you fit right in. Seeing you growl down Topher is an image I'll keep with me for the rest of my life.

I love my faerie. I cannot say anything more. She is the perfect addition to my life.

I feel so much closer with my family. Monica and I bonded like we never have. I felt Sharrin's warmth spread over me, the to-be Santeria priestess dressed in white. The hug we shared, the white sheet seperating us, but not... I love my Momma Bear. So very much. Mommy - Cara is the most fabulous fag on the planet. Daddy - we looked into each others eyes... I am my Father's son. We shared our thoughts with Bear, and the same things that meant for her meant for me. Faye and I are of one piece of clay, as frightening as that may be.

Lolita - she knows me the best. My sister is truly that. Without her, I would not be. Simple as that.

Bear. Here is the bit that is going to make me cry. We celebrated Bear's life just as she would have wanted us to. To the sounds of New Orleans jazz, over glasses of over 40 year old port - as my Daddy Faye screamed, "Bear! We're drinking the good stuff!!!" We smoked Cubans, we shared memories. And... Bear's stuff was passed down. I'll make that a seperate post, so that I don't fry my computer with my tears right now. But I know this... Bear is in me. And she always will be. Bear... she KNOWS me. And I KNOW her.

I guess that is where I am right now. I am one with Bear. I don't miss her... I am with her.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
luna_littleone
Sep. 30th, 2003 10:20 am (UTC)
Bear was the only member of your family that I really got to meet and speak with. Everyone told me that Bear was the scary one but I always felt at ease with Bear. I cried when Neptune called me last year and told me the news.
I read your writing and felt the tears well up again. Bear has had a place of honor in my rememberance ritual I do every year at Samhain (Oct 31.)
I read your writing and felt the love from your words.
You are truly blessed.
I can feel your change.
*HUG*
I am proud to call you friend.
bellarisa
Sep. 30th, 2003 10:41 am (UTC)
Very pleased to know that your CA trip went so well, looking forward to seeing your new look at BR.

Bella
ex_mommabear187
Sep. 30th, 2003 10:46 am (UTC)
Family is very important, and lately I've been feeling more and more that some of us are building families, through "intermarriages" and such. I have one wonderful sister in VA that I cherish very much, and my girls, and my brother in MA,and my close friends here who are just as much family, just not spoken.

And my wife (who is one of those aformentioned little girls) is incredibly important to me. (duh! she's my wife and little girl!)

I'm glad you got a chance to say goodbye and welcome in your way, with your Family. I'm coming to realize that family we're born with is important, but the family we choose has to make a huge impression on us to be chosen, and that in itself replaces water with the blood and becomes just as thick, or thicker than that we're born into.
finubala
Sep. 30th, 2003 11:34 am (UTC)
*hug*
*hug*
*hug*
kaylaraine
Sep. 30th, 2003 12:03 pm (UTC)
I'm glad Lolita convinced you to shave. I loved it! Now, I just need to keep working on getting Daddy to do the same thing.
lolitasir
Sep. 30th, 2003 01:45 pm (UTC)
I never convinced him to do it. He simply had no choice.

He knew it would happen eventually. And this was the right time.
kahoki
Sep. 30th, 2003 05:17 pm (UTC)
And she is with you - great mentors are alwyas there for you as you remeber their lessons and apply them to your own life, even if their journey has taken a differant direction your yours.
passionandsoul
Sep. 30th, 2003 09:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you Unc.
I love you.
Did I tell you- I had a date with Mindi 2 years ago? We realized it on the ride home.
Topher growls good!
I love you.
I think I said that...
but I'm being distracted by the phone sex in the background.
I love my sore pecs- but in PDX, you can do me much much worse!
bearnikolas
Oct. 2nd, 2003 10:46 am (UTC)
Of course I cried!
As I read your entry, I envisioned all of the folks you spoke of as I know all of them intimately as well. I have been friends with almost all of them for years now. I knew Bear but never had the real pleasure of talking to her for longer than a few minutes. Last year when she left her mortal body, I was so shocked and saddened for all of you. Although I am not in your family, I do know how incredibly important all of you are to each other, the love shines through. Your love for each other ensures Bear's eternal memory. I also cannot wait to see your cutting! It has to be gorgeous.
Many hugs,
Nik
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )