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Another grandmother update

It would appear my grandmother stopped breathing at around 4 AM this morning. They utilized medication on two different occasions to kick start her breathing. Finally, what might have been 5, 6 AM, they incubated her onto a resperator I believe (still trying to get confirmation of that.)

My uncle did not find it neccessary to inform us of this until 11:30 AM today. He wanted to finish sleeping, and have breakfast and coffee first. Nice to know we aren't interupting his schedule while his mother is dying.

My aunt and uncle both believe that incubation was the right move. It would appear that my grandmother's life is going to be comprised of a resperator and a feeding tube that goes down her nose into her stomach. She is in pain, and the only thing that keeps her calm is sedatives.

They feel that if this is the way she will live, she will live. They are OK with this.

They also believe that she will miraculously recovery. In a matter of weeks. That she will regain full movement, speech, motor skills, etc.

I see my grandmother being forced to live as a vegetable. This is the last way she would ever have wanted to live. Unfortunately, she never signed a living will.

My aunt takes the lack of a living will to mean that my grandmother purposely didn't sign one because she wanted to live in any capacity, including a painful, vegetative state.

The worst part of all this? There is not a damn thing I can do about it.


( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 6th, 2004 09:12 am (UTC)
Ugh, I'm so sorry, that's just awful.

Jun. 6th, 2004 09:24 am (UTC)
Jun. 6th, 2004 09:26 am (UTC)
Oh, dear... *many hugs* :(
Jun. 6th, 2004 09:28 am (UTC)
Sweetheart, I am so sorry. I wish I had the power to convince your other aunt and uncle that they are wrong, that your grandmother is tired and misses her husband and best friend. I know if I try it will make matters worse. I'm here for you. As always.
Jun. 6th, 2004 10:29 am (UTC)
I'd like to say something
it's a little long, please forgive.

I went to visit my ex-husband's grandma with him, his father, his father's girlfriend and my daughter. Rick (the father) insisted that his mom would have a "good day" sometime soon so we were repeatedly exposed to watching her slouch and drool upon herself in a wheelchair in hopes that she would show some sign of existing within. (total vegetable). My 6 month old daughter was sat on her lap by those sick fucks and photographed. The woman who was psuedo-present's name was leila, she was once an army nurse for WW2 (that's where she met her husband) and she had won several international awards for her ballroom dancing skills. Her husband died and she married a man named sam... her son, rick, 'doesn't like' sam and so he didn't bother to move him TOO when he transferred his mother to a home in WI from NM. Sam, who, like his wife, has alzheimers (sp) walks around his care-home in NM asking for his wife because "she has been gone for a while and he is starting to get worried" (he hasn't seen her in several years, now).

Leila would be sick to death and probably disown her son if she could see herself right now and how he is allowing her to exist. Rick has even told my ex, his son, to kill him if he himself ever becomes so incapacitated.

Karma, though... He is setting himself up through what he is allowing to happen to his mother, and it sounds like your unc is doing the same thing. The self-centered basis on which their thoughts are constructed will someday come back to haunt them.

The point of you being exposed to this is to teach you something. Don't forget what you've learned.
Jun. 6th, 2004 11:40 am (UTC)
I know how hard this must be for you. Please take extra good care of yourself right now. *hugs*
Jun. 6th, 2004 12:18 pm (UTC)
I'll keep thinking good thoughts for you and yours.
Jun. 6th, 2004 01:03 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry, sweetie.

Sending you all my love & strength. *hugs*
Jun. 6th, 2004 03:49 pm (UTC)
I seriously feel your pain and frustration... and thank Karma that both my parents have always had clear and concise wills as to what should be done with them if ever their lives were to depend on life-facilitating machines...

I myself am thinking of drawing one up... too scared that my life or what's left of it might be left in the hands of someone who doesn't know me and my wishes.

I hope they find it in their mind, heart and soul to let her go, if pain is her constant and only reminder of life.

I hope you see through this. *hug*
Jun. 6th, 2004 09:28 pm (UTC)
Oh, how horrible.
I don't know you, but I'm sorry.
Jun. 6th, 2004 09:38 pm (UTC)
Jun. 7th, 2004 08:34 am (UTC)
Jun. 7th, 2004 08:35 am (UTC)
*hugs* Your aunt and uncle are asses. Not much more to say there. I wish you the best during this and I know you have a lot of strength to get you and your family through it all. You also have many friends for any support you need, or even just to vent. *hugs* I am here if you need anything at all
Jun. 7th, 2004 11:14 am (UTC)
Awful, just awful...sometimes people won't let go, regardless of how much they're hurting the one they're holding on to.

In my family everyone has been damned clear about how they want to be treated in those dreadful circumstances.

What do the doctors say her prognosis is?
Jun. 7th, 2004 08:07 pm (UTC)
(hugs) I'm sorry about everything. and no, there's not anything you can do for her - except, if you don't want to be treated that way, to go ahead and establish a living will yourself.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )