Boymeat (boymeat) wrote,

Dusting off the keyboard...

Its been a while since I last posted... long time friends have probably already noticed my tendency to have alternating periods of heavy and light activity here. So, here I am again, at least for a short-while.

My mind has once again chosen to explore and try make logic out of my vampyric nature. The girl and I saw Queen of the Damned last night (cute movie, if you want something only slightly resembling the book). This has brought blood to the forefront of my mind, and once again I hunger.

I've noticed that I realize my hunger when jarred by an outside stimulus. Sometimes it is the sight of blood... either real, or on some media. Other times it is when biting someone. The third way it comes is through periods of great stress.

I could go a month or even longer without even thinking about my blood hunger... but when the stimulus arrives, it is constantly in the back of my mind. Sometimes I doubt myself... I question if the vampyric identity is real, or simply an illusion I have played on myself. I think of how I can go so long without feeling any trace of it, or even having the thought pass through my mind. But then I remember how I feel when I DO hunger... and the insanity that clutches inside me until my tongue tastes blood again.

I also think of people close and dear to my heart. People I call my family... and their own vampyric identity. It helps me feel less crazy, certainly... it validates what I am to me. Several of them, when I questioned to them of my own awakening, they responded as if this should have happened years ago. But then there are others, even closer to my heart... who do not believe. At times it feels as if I am being patronized... sure honey, sure you're a vampyre.

I wonder if I will ever make sense of this...

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