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Which way is it to "escape from reality?"

Hi. How are you doing?

I'm sorry I haven't written in so long... but I don't know what to say. I'm so sick and tired of whining and bitching and exclaiming how my life sucks so much in this journal. I'm sick of being a 28 year-old man with the emotional insecurity (and problems that cause them) of a 14 year-old.

It's. So. Fucking. Frustrating. *bangs head into table for emphasis*

So many things are going wrong it is ridiculous. Healthwise, my mother, father, and myself are figuring out what next. (My appointment with the ear guy is on the 7th.) I found out that communication with one of the main people I want to talk to has to be cut off, for reasons unexplainable and completely not my doing. And now there is a rocky situation regarding my place of residence... more on that, or not, in a later post. Probably not, though.

I want escapes from reality. I don't care how in the long run it won't help or change anything. It's what I want. I cannot wait for the Flea where I get to be "Boymeat," and surround myself with my friends once again. I miss friends. I miss social encounters. I just don't know how to drag my ass of my computer chair and get there.

I look forward to occasions where I can meet new people.

Someone recently told me they were worried about me. That they have observed that I have not been participating in social events, or placing myself in social situations. And that this goes against my inner grain so much that it is a cause for concern.

She was right. Without my friends, without the social universe, I'm lost. I thrive in public places, being a social being.

Another friend recently commented on age play. It was an amazing post... and talked about the core of what age play really is. She spoke about how age play, for her, is the current desire and need to just curl up with "Daddy" and be taken care of, consoled. That need for another person to look up to, and know that they will take care of you, and make things safe and good again.

Here is my problem. I feel like a useless man right now. A failed one. I am a Daddy who cannot console, who cannot help. With no one to hold and comfort. People have longed asked, are you a Master without a slave? Are you a slave without a Master?

I don't know. Never did. But I know what it is like to be a Daddy truly without one he can call his own. Useless.

Sorry folks. Emo again. Shit.


( 37 comments — Leave a comment )
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Dec. 2nd, 2004 09:22 am (UTC)
Reading this is the first time age play's come close to making any sense to me. Thanks for sharing that. I wish I could offer you some succor and comfort, even if for just a few minutes.
Dec. 2nd, 2004 11:07 am (UTC)
There is a whole lot more to age play than just playing with coloring books and crayons.

I'm glad I was able to give you a little glimpse.
(no subject) - quiet_ness - Dec. 2nd, 2004 02:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 2nd, 2004 09:25 am (UTC)


hang in there.. remember that you aren't alone..
Dec. 2nd, 2004 09:27 am (UTC)
If you need a little big brother to noogie-fight with, I got yer back...

Dec. 2nd, 2004 10:21 am (UTC)
Re: *hug*
Are you going to the Eagle Sat night? I want a hug from you. A big one.
Re: *hug* - rogueboi - Dec. 2nd, 2004 11:32 am (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 2nd, 2004 09:43 am (UTC)
I can relate, But i really dont think you want to hear from me on it.
Dec. 2nd, 2004 09:51 am (UTC)
I wish that there was something I could say....

but I know you probably don't want to hear it from me anyway.

I hope you can find your way.
I miss you.
Dec. 2nd, 2004 10:20 am (UTC)
It's not that I don't want to hear from you.

I know where we stand, and I appreciate it. Very much.

It's more of a larger issue right now.
Dec. 2nd, 2004 10:04 am (UTC)
It certainly isn't anything near what you need, but I thought you might find it entertaining. On iTunes there's a muppet live feed with songs. I highly recommend it.
Dec. 2nd, 2004 10:18 am (UTC)
I'm sure this isn't the socializing you're looking for, but will you be coming to hang out on Friday night?
Dec. 2nd, 2004 10:19 am (UTC)
Actually, it is one of the brightest bulbs of my weekend. I cannot wait.
(no subject) - fortryll - Dec. 2nd, 2004 11:01 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - aillecat - Dec. 2nd, 2004 12:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 2nd, 2004 10:24 am (UTC)
I've been feeling a lot of this myself.

So, *hugs* here until i can give them in person.
Dec. 2nd, 2004 10:25 am (UTC)
I miss you.

I'm sorry you're in this rough patch right now. I promise you that it will not last forever.

I can't wait to see you FFF weekend! We have lots of hugs, kisses, spanks and other things set aside for you. :)
Dec. 2nd, 2004 11:05 am (UTC)
Lord I cannot wait. To be in your arms sounds heavenly right about now.
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 2nd, 2004 11:02 am (UTC)
I'm sorry things have been hard for you. I noticed I hadn't seen you lately, but I figured we were just missing each other. This post made me wish I were one who called you Daddy, so we could both feel that comfort and that purpose. But alas, sometimes comfort in verbal form is all I can offer.

But I can also offer you this -- I've been hoping to find time to hang out with you, and I happen to have a pair of comp tickets to "Fat Pig" by Neil LaBute at the Lortel Theater (on Christopher Street) next Thursday, December 9 at 8 pm. Any chance you're free?
Dec. 2nd, 2004 11:06 am (UTC)
That sounds fabulous! I am free! Yay! Thank you!
(no subject) - redhead_sue - Dec. 2nd, 2004 11:54 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - boymeat - Dec. 2nd, 2004 12:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 2nd, 2004 11:36 am (UTC)
I didn't realize you were so young. I thought to be as confident and experienced as a presenter you must be older than 30. You've inspired me, I need to get out and do more in the scene.
Good luck with the rough times...from the number of comments you got it sounds like you have lots of friends to help you out.
As for being whiny...for all the shit that has happened in your life recently I think you are surpisingly unwhiny. But I totally understand how only have crappy stuff to write in your lj gets really old after a while.
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 2nd, 2004 11:45 am (UTC)
Agreed wholeheartedly. Something I tell others, often. The good thing is I have my big-sis in Lolita... and that always has been the balance to the scale of my life.

Unfortunately, my Leather Daddy is in LA.
(no subject) - lolitasir - Dec. 2nd, 2004 08:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 2nd, 2004 12:18 pm (UTC)
While I know what you were trying to say, you do realize that you accidently agreed I am useless.

(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - boymeat - Dec. 2nd, 2004 12:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 2nd, 2004 02:46 pm (UTC)
Right there with you right now.

I have decided that 2004 was just the year from hell. Thank god it is almost over.

Next year will be better. It just has to be.

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( 37 comments — Leave a comment )