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The search for the old man on the hill.

I feel older today. I feel older than when I left for Boston. Wiser. Like something changed... another... click.

It's an odd feeling that.

A few people were surprised that I didn't have 4, 5 scenes lined up for the play parties. I suppose I could have. But I didn't WANT to. That's not me anymore. That is in my past.

Instead I had two incredibly special scenes. Very special. One, to help bring in another year for someone very close and dear to my heart. The other, a complete surprise, but, a sign that I too have gotten older... and more mature.

Words cannot even describe how great those scenes were.

And that is what was important to me. Spending time and my energies with those who are close to me, to whom I feel a connection to. People with whom I can let go and live in the moment with. Where I can drop all my walls and feel safe and secure.

Funny how I found that in Boston. There is a group of people up there who surprise me more and more each time I see them. They surprise me by how much they open their arms to let me in. I do love Boston... it feels like home.

I believe I have also grown old enough to recognize the mistakes in my past. My youthful actions in which I couldn't then recognize the potential consequences of my actions. Conversations and experiences that I didn't pay close enough attention to. Scenes and relationships taken on paths that were leading to guaranteed self-destruction.

I no longer long for some past relationships, for I now understand what went wrong.

I taught two great classes at the Flea. Great students, great bottoms, great energy. Just great. OK, the first one was great. The second one rocked my world.

I am teaching a new class. Surviving Corporal 101. It seems like such a simple title. But, in reality, this class represents my entire path of the past 9 years. All the things I have learned, all the lessons I scoffed at but in the end realized to be true. All the attention I have paid on people, reading them, learning how they tick. Being able to tap into the unknown within me, the dreaded "energy" word, becoming comfortable with my animalistic and primal self. Letting go and living in the moment.

It was also very special to me to have 4 demo bottoms when I taught it in Boston. I had 4 people that take completely different things out of a scene, experience completely different things, and enter into the scene for completely different reasons. But they all had one major thing in common. All four are close and dear to me, and they are all very special people in my life. I have a relationship with all of them - and I think it showed.

I love this class. I want to spread it across the nation like Johnny Appleseed.

I'm sure there will be a lighthearted post in the future. But for now, I sit back and ponder. And rejoice in what has come.


( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 21st, 2004 01:54 pm (UTC)
*smile* *hugs*

Despite all the cold that I hate, these people, this homeyness, this family is why I'm not sure I could ever leave Boston.

It makes me feel really good to hear how well you're doing, and what a great time you had this weekend. I'm glad I could be a part of that.
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:04 pm (UTC)
And it was equally great to see you smile. I like you. And I like that we're friends.
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:01 pm (UTC)
It won't come as a surprise to you that I agree with you totally on that 2nd class you taught. You really should spread it around the nation like some sick Johnny Appleseed - I found it very meaningful and enlightening. It was very well organized. If you held it again in Boston I would attend again. Thank you for teaching it. :)
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you for being there. *smile*
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:18 pm (UTC)
I don't really have anything to say. Just that I read this post, it touched me, and I wanted you to know that.

Oh, and that I'm utterly sad that I missed it when you taught "Surviving Corporal" at TES. I hope to catch it another time.
Dec. 21st, 2004 02:30 pm (UTC)
I think that many people have that feeling of something changing at Boston....

Its funny how a sales event can be the centerpoint for drawing people closer. The fact it was in December and theres already a "drawing together" happening, may have magnified that.

All I know is that Boston felt to me like a homecoming, a turning point, and a new start all wrapped up in one.

I hope we get a chance to talk soon, there is a lot of stuff I'd like to discuss, clear up, and maybe even move into the future on. You got a little glimpse of this at the Flea I think, but we were all going in so many tangential directions... the ones we needed to be.

Much love to you and your family, chosen and blood... I hope you have a good holiday season... and we all meet in the New Year with hope in our hearts and happiness around the corner....

Dec. 21st, 2004 02:55 pm (UTC)
Also, there's one other thing. We'll dicuss.
Dec. 21st, 2004 03:04 pm (UTC)
I had the privilege of attending your second class, and I want to say it was absolutely fantastic. I hope you do take it on the road and continue to teach it. I learned a lot, thank you so very, very much. I feel it will definitely make a change in my bottoming abilities. You gave me so much to think about. Thank you.
Dec. 21st, 2004 03:19 pm (UTC)

i of course was also at the pain class, as you know -- and i also found it incredible, Sir. i'd just met two of your bottoms as well as yourself, and been bondage bottom to one of those two -- seeing the closeness and affection between you and they, the energy that you gave each other... it made me -- still makes me -- ache for a family like that, one which i could be part of. It shows me the power of what we do, and intensifies my need for it.

i have much to learn about taking pain, Sir, and i guarantee if i can, i'll attend your classes in the future. As a sometime educator myself Sir (math, of course, both teacher and curriculum developer), i appreciated the educational effect of demonstrating the range of reactions. It's something i'll remember for a very long time, Sir.

i kneel before you, Sir. You are indeed an amazing Man, Sir.
Dec. 21st, 2004 03:22 pm (UTC)
I have had the honor of watching this class grow.
It was so much more meaningful the second time around and everybody felt it.

Both classes were very powerful but I must say that out of all the classes I have ever seen you teach your corporal class is the jewel in your crown.

Thank you for letting me be a part of it.
Dec. 21st, 2004 03:31 pm (UTC)
They surprise me by how much they open their arms to let me in.

I don't think I have the words to describe how lucky I feel to know you and how wonderful it is that our individual connections to contessagrrl led to me getting to have someone as spiffy as you in my life.

Considering how little I see you, it never ceases to amaze me how comfortable I feel around you and that's a wonderful thing.
Dec. 21st, 2004 03:34 pm (UTC)
Sorry t have missed these classes while I was out of town - this years flea has been recieving a wide range of positive feedback, and it is good to hear that the personal growth of a long time attendant and presenter can be added to the list.
Dec. 21st, 2004 04:49 pm (UTC)
Just wanted to say I enjoyed your first class tremendously, and am sad I didn't make it to Surviving(due to an unfortunate accident which left me shaky for the rest of the day...).
Dec. 21st, 2004 06:12 pm (UTC)
That sounds like an absolutely awesome class.
Dec. 21st, 2004 06:26 pm (UTC)
*smiling... just smiling
Dec. 21st, 2004 08:58 pm (UTC)
i have so many questions; any chance you'll be taking your class out West?
Dec. 21st, 2004 09:03 pm (UTC)
I will if invited. ;-)

The only west coast event I have ever taught at was Portland Kinkfest this year. In Feb I will be at South Plains Leatherfest in Dallas Texas, but, no plans yet to go all the way west.

If an event/group were to invite me, I'd see what I could do.
Jan. 11th, 2005 10:11 pm (UTC)
I'd invite you to Napa but there wouldn't be much of a group! I guess I'm looking for some resources. Could I contact you by email?
Feb. 17th, 2005 02:31 pm (UTC)
Yes, you can! (and would you believe it took me this long to see that you posted another comment?)
Dec. 21st, 2004 10:58 pm (UTC)
Things did change and morph in Boston. It was bizarre..I've never felt anything like it before.

I'm so bummed I couldn't make your class on pain management...is there a handout I could see?

Dec. 22nd, 2004 05:51 am (UTC)
There is a group of people up there who surprise me more and more each time I see them. They surprise me by how much they open their arms to let me in. I do love Boston... it feels like home.

Dammit, I miss Boston. Boston *is* home to me.

But I'm glad to read your wonderful thoughts on what I'm certain was a wonderful weekend.
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )