Boymeat (boymeat) wrote,

The search for the old man on the hill.

I feel older today. I feel older than when I left for Boston. Wiser. Like something changed... another... click.

It's an odd feeling that.

A few people were surprised that I didn't have 4, 5 scenes lined up for the play parties. I suppose I could have. But I didn't WANT to. That's not me anymore. That is in my past.

Instead I had two incredibly special scenes. Very special. One, to help bring in another year for someone very close and dear to my heart. The other, a complete surprise, but, a sign that I too have gotten older... and more mature.

Words cannot even describe how great those scenes were.

And that is what was important to me. Spending time and my energies with those who are close to me, to whom I feel a connection to. People with whom I can let go and live in the moment with. Where I can drop all my walls and feel safe and secure.

Funny how I found that in Boston. There is a group of people up there who surprise me more and more each time I see them. They surprise me by how much they open their arms to let me in. I do love Boston... it feels like home.

I believe I have also grown old enough to recognize the mistakes in my past. My youthful actions in which I couldn't then recognize the potential consequences of my actions. Conversations and experiences that I didn't pay close enough attention to. Scenes and relationships taken on paths that were leading to guaranteed self-destruction.

I no longer long for some past relationships, for I now understand what went wrong.

I taught two great classes at the Flea. Great students, great bottoms, great energy. Just great. OK, the first one was great. The second one rocked my world.

I am teaching a new class. Surviving Corporal 101. It seems like such a simple title. But, in reality, this class represents my entire path of the past 9 years. All the things I have learned, all the lessons I scoffed at but in the end realized to be true. All the attention I have paid on people, reading them, learning how they tick. Being able to tap into the unknown within me, the dreaded "energy" word, becoming comfortable with my animalistic and primal self. Letting go and living in the moment.

It was also very special to me to have 4 demo bottoms when I taught it in Boston. I had 4 people that take completely different things out of a scene, experience completely different things, and enter into the scene for completely different reasons. But they all had one major thing in common. All four are close and dear to me, and they are all very special people in my life. I have a relationship with all of them - and I think it showed.

I love this class. I want to spread it across the nation like Johnny Appleseed.

I'm sure there will be a lighthearted post in the future. But for now, I sit back and ponder. And rejoice in what has come.

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