February 13th, 2001


How cool is it that people are following me here now. Margo Eve, and my grrl Queen Imp are now on board. Guess I'm finally gonna be able to get to read posts from people who live outside of Boston (not that I don't love my Boston friends!) Who knows, maybe people will become friends through my friends list. How cool would that be?

I know most people expected me to be my outrageous sexual self here... and you know what, thats what I thought too! But life has stolen a 18-wheeler semi and rocketed into me going 120, and I'm really trying hard not to fall... but I'm slipping.

Mom is still in the hospital... they can't figure out what is wrong. Pains are still happening in her chest, her heartbeat is racing now and shes out of breath (but I think that is anxiety, that didn't start until she got into the hospital). They found a fair amount of fluid in her lungs, and they don;t know where its coming from.

They ruled out pneumonia (no fever), ruled out acid reflux... one of the possibilites they mentioned might be hepatitis. God I pray it isn;t... and if it is, PLEASE let it be A or B. Hep C is just too nasty for words. If hep is the case, its possible she got it through blood transfusions... when she got 2 liters transfused 10 years ago, they were only testing for HIV, not hep.

This woman is such a survivor... and everytime something happens I wonder if she can handle one more hurdle. She has had two bouts of breast cancer (with reconstruction for both), lymphoma, a cecarian section for my brother, shingles, bladder reconstruction, gall bladder removal, and the worst - an emergency hysterictamy where she had lost so much blood they had to do it in the emergency room without anistesia. Can she handle another problem? Why is it that her body is shutting down part by part???

Its also times like these that I see the leather community as family. I haven't recieved one phone call yet from my biological family. Yet, my TES friends are asking me for her hospital address to send her flowers... hell, my buddy Josh is having his father (a rabbi) say prayers for her on Friday, and Josh will be in a hotel room in some city praying as well.

I'm only 24 for god sakes... how much more of this can I handle? I'm taking off of work tomorrow - thank god my company is so understanding of my life. I am beginning to hate my job... but their understanding nature is what keeps me there. I don't think I could find more supportive people anywhere. Instead of work, I'll be at the hospital. I hate hospitals. As a vampyre, hospitals are very unnerving... blood everywhere... yet, horrendous. The smell is torture.

Ok - now I see the worth of Livejournal. I would have never been able to tell any of you about this over the phone... you would have never understood me without the sobs. Yet, I handled typing it in with just one tear. Very strange.

Thank you everyone for putting up with me. Talk about unconsensual scenes.
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