July 4th, 2006

The reason why I play.

I had thought about writing a TES Fest post now. And when doing so, I started reminicing on the myriad of scenes I had this weekend (god damn did I play my heart out.) And, suddenly, something more philisophical came to mind. So, here you go.

I love playing. I love SM. I think everyone who knows me has gathered that by now. People have used many different words when describing me, and I have often heard slut, playpig, hound, greedy, etc.

And those all may be true. I am a slut. I do love to play... as often I as I possibly can. I am in this respect a hedonist. Through play I enjoy life, and I love to enjoy life. So, I take on the term slut with pride.

But... there is a deeper, more significant drive to why I play.

The reason is that I love people. I am fascinated with them, love to be around them. I constantly seek out new connections, new friends, and dive head first into kinky social situations. Even more importantly, I love to see the REAL person underneath the layers. The human being is an amazing creature, but we are too often guarded by walls. Walls of our own creation and for our protection, sure, but walls none the same.

I find SM to be an amazing method to get glimpses of the real person underneath. The pain sheds the layers. Endorphins fly out, bringing with them the very essence of the person out to be enjoyed and marveled. Joy and sadness and pain and catharsis all leap out of the body in a world of trust, honesty, and safety.

I played with someone this weekend who is known far more for her sexual energy than her SM bottoming. She is indeed a very sexual creature, and that is what drives most of her play. We had played before, and I ushered her into new SM experiences, introducing the joys of the cane to her supple bottom. She flew, and smiled, and cried. It was a beautiful thing to watch.

This round, she instantly stated how badly she wanted to fuck, and expressed remorse about my inability to do so (more on that in another post.) I replied that I didn't want her cunt, but that I wanted her soul. I wanted to see the REAL girl behind the veil - what lives beyond her drive to have sex. She was scared... warned me that I wouldn't want to see it.

I did want to, and I did see it.

Through a singletail, she shook, she gasped, she moaned, she cried, she screamed. And in all that shaking the real person came to view. The rawness of humanity came to vision... I looked into her eyes and could see everything. There was connection. There was oneness. There was the very essence of being. She was alive, and I was the conduit.

I love to play because I love to see what is deep within each of us. I long to embrace the part of all of our souls that makes us whole. To connect with the animalistic part of our beings.

I long to connect. I long to learn. And thus, I play.
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