August 7th, 2007

Feeling fragile.

My back, while getting better, feels brittle. I can't shake the feeling that it is one step away from just snapping, leaving me collapsed on the floor like broken refuse.

My emotional state of being is in a somewhat similar state. I am uncertain... unsure... where I am in the world right now. My confidence level is not very high. I sometimes feel unattractive, unsteady. There is a lot of "uns" in my life right now.

One step to recovery would be trying to figure out how much of my emotional well-being is tied to my physical. Is it my bad back that is causing my emotional duress? Or is there more to the emotional side?

I suspect that there is. I feel deep aching need for intimacy, for connection. I want to lay on a bed with intimate partners and be bathed by positive emotion and sensuality.

I want someone I enjoy to be naked, hugging me, allowing me to cry in moments of intimacy.

I feel fragile. So I expose myself and my emotions to the world, to possibly help me gain strength. I write these words not necessarily as a cry for attention, but for an admittance of self. To allow my feelings an outlet, to possibly free me from them so I can turn the corner.

I wear my emotions on my sleeves. It is who I am.
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    melancholy melancholy