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Burning out

I've been really quiet here. It's because I'm burnt out.

Work has been crazy busy, and I feel like I am shouldering a lot of it myself.

The search for an apartment is downright depressing. That combined with living in another country is killing me.

I've had an agent call me twice this week to offer me an apartment in my old building. His first price was $500 more than I can afford. His adjusted offer today is $295 more than I can afford. And everytime I say, I just can't afford that, he insists that I go look at the apartment.

I want to reach into the phone and strangle him. Why do you insist on consistently dangling an apartment that you know I want desperately in front of me when you know there isn't a chance I can afford it? Why would I look it? So you can watch me cry in despair over how happy I would be there and how there isn't a chance in hell that I can actually live there? Are you that sadistic? ARGH!

He sucks.

I'm tired. I want to stop. My shoulders ache. I want a new job, and a new apartment, and I want it to all magically appear. It won't of course. And lord knows I am trying to get them.

At what point do I call it quits and just take an apartment that I know I won't be that happy in, but definetely can afford?


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 4th, 2005 06:55 pm (UTC)

Im sure this isnt what you want to hear... because I know how crazy your work sched. is sometimes... but any chance of maybe working one evening and one weekend day at some PT job? That would make up the $300 and you could take the apt. you really Want as opposed to taking one you can afford. Or.. you could quit smoking and have the apt. *ducks and runs*

Seriously though... *hugs and love*
Nov. 4th, 2005 07:02 pm (UTC)
you know.....you are on to something though Miss Cleo.
Now before you come out swinging Sir.
Have you looked into how much you are spending a year in disposable income?
Things like cigarettes, events a year, nights out, eating out? I know that eating out is the NY way I'm just asking. Stephen spends around 80-100 in cigarettes a month and that is in Phillips Moris land. Yours is much higher I'm sure. Not saying quit quit, that's your choice Sir, but how much would you safe if you cut back?

It's stuff like that you can take into consideration.
Nov. 4th, 2005 08:17 pm (UTC)
I recently looked through our budget and calculated the costs of cooking every meal for a month as opposed to eating out. I work in Midtown, so buying lunch around here costs about $6 per person, and the average dinner with tax and tip is around $10 per person. Let's say lunch is a salad and dinner is a burger; pretty reasonable, right, not too extravagant. Well, even if I insist on buying all organic, that salad costs about $1.50 to make, and the burger another $2.50. Savings: $12 per day, or about $360 per month. That's a lot.

Nearly any budget has fat that can be trimmed. It makes the meat a bit tougher, but there are a lot of benefits to your financial health.
Nov. 4th, 2005 07:06 pm (UTC)
Right now the most I want to pay for an apartment is one paycheck a month. I get two.

The numbers above factor that in.

As for the part-time job - I already feel burned out. I do some freelance work, but I can't count on that. I treat it as bonus money. And I already feel like I am burning out - to take on more would be insane.
Nov. 4th, 2005 11:13 pm (UTC)
m'kay. just a suggestion. Theres nothing else I can offer than hasnt been suggested in comments already, other than a willingness to just listen if you need to bitch and vent. :)
Nov. 4th, 2005 06:57 pm (UTC)
See this is the weird part. You are in a very rare minority. Most people have a crappy first apartment and then they get better ones as they go along. You liked your first one and I don't blame you, BUT it did have it's downfalls. (I'd list some of them Sir but only if you asked.)

I think you should make a list of the things you like about your old apt and decide of those what MUST you have no questions asked. Work with that.
What happened to the women who were handling apts in the village? That's so your hood.

I still think focusing on both finding a new job and a new apt at the same time will only drive you mad. It causes you to start putting all your eggs in one basket and when something happens it's all shattered.
Find the job so you know financially what you are working with. Then look at the apt. Just my two cents of course Sir.

Things will get better. They have to.
I mean if they didn't I would be in a nut house right now over this job hunt thing for me.

We are here for you.
trust me on that at least. *small smille*
Nov. 4th, 2005 07:11 pm (UTC)
"At what point do I call it quits and just take an apartment that I know I won't be that happy in, but definetely can afford?"
It depends in part on what you mean by "that happy." If you've looked long enough to feel like you have a good handle on the market, and know that nothing you love will be in your price range, then maybe it's time to accept that and lower the bar--start looking at "this will have to do" places. Rather than measuring each new place you see against your unattainable dream apartment, measure them against your other realistic alternatives. In other words, look at places you can afford, and ask yourself, "would I be happier here than living with parents? than that last place I almost moved to but turned down at the last minute? than any other place I've seen in this price range lately?" Don't think of your next place as somewhere you'll be living forever, just as a small step forward from your current living situation.
Nov. 4th, 2005 08:46 pm (UTC)
No matter how much you cut back in other areas, I think you are smart for not wanting to spend more than 50% of your take-home pay on rent. Rent (or mortgage) shouldn't really be more than 30% of take home pay by some standards.

Housing is so shitastically stressful! I wish you the bestest of luck finding someplace that works for you.
Nov. 4th, 2005 08:50 pm (UTC)
"At what point do I call it quits and just take an apartment that I know I won't be that happy in, but definetely can afford?"

You tried that already - that was the Harlem apartment you took and then decided not to take. I think you've learned that you can't deal with a living situation where you might be happy.

I know you're tired. I know this sucks. I've had apartment hunting lead me to depression, crying fits, screaming. And that was all without piling a job search on top of it. I agree with luna - focus on one thing at a time, and that should be the job.

On the other hand... allow yourself a break from the things you can break from. If you can't get a break from the workload at your current job, take a break from the apartment hunt and the job hunt. Let your batteries recharge. Tell yourself you'll get back to it in two weeks, a month, whenever you're ready. You need that.
Nov. 4th, 2005 09:29 pm (UTC)
Nov. 4th, 2005 09:41 pm (UTC)
You may also consider that, if the Universe is seeming to be exceedingly difficult or resistant to what *you* think you want and need right now, then maybe you are pursuing the wrong thing at the wrong time.

An example, to clarify: back in July I embarked on a job hunt. However, I found that every time I went to write a letter or print off a resume, I LOATHED it. I had to absolutely FORCE myself to do it. I found few leads and the ones I did pursue turned out to not be right for me. The "a-ha" moment came for me when I applied for a job that, as far as I could tell, I was perfectly qualified for, and even better, was located only blocks from my home. I sent a resume, a kick-ass letter, and duly did my follow up. In return, I received a curt E-mail informing me that they had filled the position--three weeks after I'd started my campaign, and without even interviewing me. After some anguish, I realized that I was not meant to be pursuing a job hunt at that particular time. I set the job search on hold for a time. And I felt so relieved and relaxed that it was obvious that going "on hold" with that task was the right thing to do.

So if you are going fiercely "against the grain" in everything, maybe it's time to take a step back, give yourself a breather, either in the job search, the apartment search, or even your current job. Have you considered simply quitting your current post and devoting yourself to a full-time job-search? You might have a more positive take on a potential position without the drag of your current one on your shoulders.

Love, T.
Nov. 5th, 2005 03:44 am (UTC)
If he really wants to sell you the apartment, tell HIM what you are willing and able to pay. Either he'll meet it or, hopefully, leave you the hell alone.

i'm sorry you are so tired and worn out. If i come on Saturday, i'll fix your shoulders if you like. You will get all these things that you want if you keep trying. Ok, ok, i know i sound like Mary-Fucking-Sunshine over here, but i truly believe it.

If you settle for something you don't want, you know you'll be miserable. ON THE OTHER HAND, you could be unhappy but less unhappy than you are now ... and better rested. Think it over. It might be that a one year lease somewhere imperfect but in a better location would be preferable to where you are now, and you can still keep looking for the perfect place.

Also, if you wanted to discuss that topic we talked about in the car, let me know. i assume it was free form thinking, but if you would like to discuss it further, let me know. If not, no big.

Any which way this goes, do what you think is a step in the "right" direction. You have lots of good people to lean on and get help from as you've seen in response to your posts. Let them help you, and do what you can to increase your own happiness.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )