I have never been one to demand the use of honorifics. It is very rare that I have requested the use of a certain word or phrase... except perhaps for the use of the term Daddy. I can probably count the amount of times I have asked someone to call me Sir on one or two hands.
It is just not my way. I've never felt that I could make the determination as to when someone should use that particular term for me. As if, by doing so, I would be pompous instead of deserving. So I let others dictate how they should address me, based on their own comfort levels. In the end, I really have no preference either way - dominant or submissive, I still prefer to be viewed as Phil/Boymeat, and not some contrived archetype.
I write this because I am experiencing a strange phenomenon where more people are actively and voluntarily calling me Sir. In the past, some have taken that personally - that the ability to call me Sir was a granted right, and thus others doing it caused them pain. I never saw it that way - instead, I saw that it was based on the individual's comfort level, with their contruct of etiquette and behavior. I never saw any problem with it.
But it does strike me as odd that I get called Sir so often now. I do not consider myself a particularly skilled dominant. Yes, I admit that I excel at hitting people, and I have a fair amount of experience in bringing someone along a mental trip... but to inspire submission? To be honest, I have always been surprised when someone decided to give me such gifts voluntarily.
I had a playdate with someone at Frolicon. She and I had not spoken face-to-face, nor played, since the Fantasm the year before. And that was our first ever meeting. Yet, as soon as she saw me, we embraced, and she said "Hello Sir." It made me pause, and finally inquire why she used such a term. She responded, "I've been reading your journal long enough to know to call you Sir."
I will admit, I will never understand just what people see in me. But, I appreciate what I have, and I consider myself the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet. These individuals honor me, and make me blush at times. I can only hope I return even a shred of the value they place in me.
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Comments
Your post was very interesting because I consider it presumtuous for me to ask someone to call me Sir. So, the tops (or at least this one) have some of the same concerns you have as a bottom.
I definately think many in the lifestyle see calling a dominant/top Sir, regardless of any relationship, as proper etiquette. I tend not to, unless someone I play with frequently asks me to - then I enjoy it (This can be fun when scening because I will always forget at some point).
As far as inspiring submission, you know you did in me. Do you think you are bringing more d/s into things than before?
Like I did with you.
I was raised in the South, and it was -- at least then -- generally expected that one says "sir" and "ma'am" to be polite and respectful. It's a carryover, for me, and that's where I generally start -- in verbal communication, at least. But even then, it's not done often, like several times in a conversation, unless one is addressing an elder. (It feels a bit odd to do it, or to do it often, in writing.)
Then, when addressing someone I would like to beat me? Oh yeah, yes sir! If they don't respond, or seem offended, I drop it. I find most people will simply say, oh, you don't need to call me sir. (Or even "please don't".)
I don't "Sir" anyone unless I either have a personal connection or -- through knowledge of their play, or who they play with, or through their writings, presentations, or other work -- I respect their opinions and recognize them as a "teacher", if only by example. (The latter is why I called you Sir when we first met.)
Yes, I have called other subs/boys/slaves "Sir". Some said don't, others accepted it.
And I agree with nvisiblegrrl -- your attitude keeps you "Sir", even you were to tell me not to call you that. To those those people who say on first contacting me, "call me SIR," I say, earn it. You already had before we even met.
In many ways it hasent much to do with you but more with peoples assumptions, I know ive had the same problem in trying to figure out what people see in me or about me all the time. I have found more of a handl on it lately watching people respond to other people or to gossip in relationship to myself.
Never belive your own press but do pay attention to what people leave out about you for others to find
Well, here's the thing with me... I bottom as a way of submitting. That's why I play with so few people - because I can't really separate bottoming from submission. I bottom to feel that someone else is in control, that I have given up control, that I am in someone else's hands. So when you hit me - and you know the trust I have placed in you - I am actually submitting to you. And I think in our scenes, you know that. So in a scene, I naturally call you "Sir." Outside of a scene, you are Phil or Boymeat, my friend. :)
I call the cashier at the Mc Donald's drive-through "Sir and M'am" -- as well as Wal Mart employees, garbage men, janitors, and people who repair my sewer.
So to not call someone whom I respect and adore, "Sir" or "M'am" would feel weird to me (if indeed, this was directed at me at all).
You are a comment whore, lol.
It's hard to see what people see in ourselves.
A problem I have always had and unfotunately never live in the moment of where I am. Too busy striving to be perfect or special when in reality I already am.
You are a very unique and special individual. Not just because you throw a whip or good with a cane. You have fun with it and are very caring to those that are close to you. It's a beautiful thing and you are a very lucky man. :)
I consider myself lucky to have experienced it first hand. It has enriched my life and helped me become a better person.
Thank You.
I tend to use sir in a joking way like if I feel like someone just bossed me around or was unnecesarily authoritarian at me.. I'll go "YES SIR!" and quite possibly give the person a Rimmer salute.
I'd have to agree with everyone else who said it denotes a level of respect and being known as a experienced player.
Also, I didn't know you liked being called Daddy. I...err...have a thing for that. *blush*
One one hand, it is a marker for the relationship. When put in that context, it is VERY serious to me, I don't allow people to call me it. Only 4 have in my entire history. It's one of those damning things in some ways... once someone has become mine... and I their Daddy, it never breaks. Ever.
On the other hand, it can be used in a fun and sexy way. Though when used in that context, it is 99% sexually-based.
That must have been when I told you to turn up your eyes at him, gaze innocently and say, "Will you please play with me, sir?"
Ah pleasant memories...
Anyhoo...back to the topic at hand...yes, dear Boymeat, you do inspire this in anything with a submissive bone in its body, like it or no.
In third world countries, when you are invited to visit a home as a guest, and they offer you food, or a drink of water (which they can obviously not afford to give away), you have to accept the gift graciously and take a bite or a sip and smile and act as if it's the best thing you've ever had. This treatment is often embarassing, but to refuse is a grave insult to your host. I see this honorifics thing as a similar situation. When someone else honors you, smile and nod. To reject the gift is an insult to the person who sought to honor you.