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The reason why I play.

I had thought about writing a TES Fest post now. And when doing so, I started reminicing on the myriad of scenes I had this weekend (god damn did I play my heart out.) And, suddenly, something more philisophical came to mind. So, here you go.

I love playing. I love SM. I think everyone who knows me has gathered that by now. People have used many different words when describing me, and I have often heard slut, playpig, hound, greedy, etc.

And those all may be true. I am a slut. I do love to play... as often I as I possibly can. I am in this respect a hedonist. Through play I enjoy life, and I love to enjoy life. So, I take on the term slut with pride.

But... there is a deeper, more significant drive to why I play.

The reason is that I love people. I am fascinated with them, love to be around them. I constantly seek out new connections, new friends, and dive head first into kinky social situations. Even more importantly, I love to see the REAL person underneath the layers. The human being is an amazing creature, but we are too often guarded by walls. Walls of our own creation and for our protection, sure, but walls none the same.

I find SM to be an amazing method to get glimpses of the real person underneath. The pain sheds the layers. Endorphins fly out, bringing with them the very essence of the person out to be enjoyed and marveled. Joy and sadness and pain and catharsis all leap out of the body in a world of trust, honesty, and safety.

I played with someone this weekend who is known far more for her sexual energy than her SM bottoming. She is indeed a very sexual creature, and that is what drives most of her play. We had played before, and I ushered her into new SM experiences, introducing the joys of the cane to her supple bottom. She flew, and smiled, and cried. It was a beautiful thing to watch.

This round, she instantly stated how badly she wanted to fuck, and expressed remorse about my inability to do so (more on that in another post.) I replied that I didn't want her cunt, but that I wanted her soul. I wanted to see the REAL girl behind the veil - what lives beyond her drive to have sex. She was scared... warned me that I wouldn't want to see it.

I did want to, and I did see it.

Through a singletail, she shook, she gasped, she moaned, she cried, she screamed. And in all that shaking the real person came to view. The rawness of humanity came to vision... I looked into her eyes and could see everything. There was connection. There was oneness. There was the very essence of being. She was alive, and I was the conduit.

I love to play because I love to see what is deep within each of us. I long to embrace the part of all of our souls that makes us whole. To connect with the animalistic part of our beings.

I long to connect. I long to learn. And thus, I play.


( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 5th, 2006 01:34 am (UTC)
"I long to connect. I long to learn. And thus, I play. "

this is one of the reasons so many people love you.

(Im comment crazy tonight!)
Jul. 5th, 2006 01:43 am (UTC)
I Get It
More than you realize. Perhaps that's our real connection, not just the biology.

I was proud as I read your post tonight my dear. Realizing just how much you've grown and become a person I am pleased to call my friend.

Hugs and sappy family shit.
Jul. 5th, 2006 01:49 am (UTC)
I want to express how much I appreciate this post, but I can't come with anything cogent. So, instead, I'll just say Thank You.
Jul. 5th, 2006 02:32 am (UTC)
I loved reading this!
Jul. 5th, 2006 03:14 am (UTC)
Beautifully stated. I love that you get it - the deeper connections - the true reasons so many of us do what we do. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face this evening.
Jul. 5th, 2006 03:46 am (UTC)
Beautiful Post
And it makes me envious, some, because I've never been around a scene that's very active. But I do grok what you're saying, and that's exactly the reason I play.
Jul. 5th, 2006 04:35 am (UTC)

What a great post. Thank you.

Jul. 5th, 2006 05:31 am (UTC)
Thank you for putting into words what is in my heart.

You're awesome!
Jul. 5th, 2006 08:23 am (UTC)
Thank you for sharing that with us, Phil.
Jul. 5th, 2006 11:47 am (UTC)
And this is why you're so popular :-)

See you soon *bounces*
Jul. 5th, 2006 01:03 pm (UTC)
"I don't want your cunt I want your soul..."
That's so awesome...so you....
Jul. 5th, 2006 08:03 pm (UTC)
Wow, I hope I get to see you again soon...

Thanks for this post.
Jul. 5th, 2006 08:20 pm (UTC)
This brought tears to my eyes - on a day when I am on the verge emotionally and wrapping my own veils tightly around every bit of myself I can, thank you.

Saying it out loud gives voice to something we [the big abstract "community"] should have much more regard for. You rock.
Jul. 5th, 2006 11:43 pm (UTC)

Thanks so much for those touching words. Sharing is so much more rewarding when you learn that there is an understanding of how precious the soul you are sharing is.
Jul. 5th, 2006 11:50 pm (UTC)
And thank you, my friend, for sharing. It was a gift I continue to treasure.
Jul. 6th, 2006 01:31 am (UTC)
You know, I hadn't thought about this aspect of play until you wrote about it. But now that you have, I think this is in part why I find playing with you so fulfilling and powerful. It's not just that you want to see who I am, but that at the same time, you're right there with me, revealing who you are, every step of the way. And that's why I feel so much trust in you when we play, and that's what makes it work so well.
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )