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Another update.

It's been a hectic time since I last posted.

Dad got operated on again on Thursday. This time it was a much more major operation, going into the entire foot to continue cleaning out the infection and dead tissue. They are running pathology reports on the removed tissue. As early as today, we might know whether or not there is something to save.

I pray that is the case. Amputation will have serious effects on the quality of life for all concerned.

His medical health is getting much better. The doctor informed me that his general medical condition is very much a concern - when going into the hospital, it was the opinion that my Dad would not be able to survive ANY surgical procedure. It is still questionable as to whether or not he could live through an amputation.

These thoughts scare me so much.

Friday I took the day off from work and examined 3 rehab centers. It was a long, hard process, and I grew more and more depressed as the day went on. I think we found our preference for now - and my father might be moved into it as early as tonight.

How am I? I don't know. Unfortunately, my nicotine and caffeine intake has increased dramatically. I am having 2 cups of coffee a day as a standard - usually I am 1 or even less. Cigarettes are being smoked  lots - but I'm not sure how many I am actually finishing. So it's tough to measure.

Thankfully, dahling came down to see me on Thursday night. She was with me through Sunday morning, and it was quite the relief to have the company. I took Saturday off and we enjoyed a nice Saturday in the city together. And on Friday night she came with me to visit my father in the hospital. That was incredibly special to me.

Sadly I now lose her for a week and a half as she has her own work travels.

I'm not sleeping well when alone. This morning I had nightmares the whole night through. Woke up at 2, 3, and 6 in the morning. Wound up taking excedrine migraine at 6:30 AM to silence the pounding headache and enable another hour of sleep.

Still very, very scared. I'm making potentially life-impacting decisions. Major ones. Everyone in my family has informed me that they are behind me 100% - that I am in charge and they are my support staff. I am thankful for the trust in support... but am terrified of it nonetheless. I only hope I am doing the right things.

It kills me that I can't do more.


( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 14th, 2006 04:31 pm (UTC)
You do your best, and that's all you can do.

My thoughts are with you and your family.
Aug. 14th, 2006 04:38 pm (UTC)
I wish I could do more than offer hugs.


Aug. 14th, 2006 04:55 pm (UTC)
I know I've said it, but allow me to post it:

You're doing an amazing job! You are on top of everything and handling it all well and gracefully. I am proud of you. More than you know.

The balance of this month is crap for me. I'm starting the new job and time is tight. I have time next month and will make it a point to come up and relieve you as much as I can. Bank on it.

Love you kid.

Your devoted Auntie
Aug. 14th, 2006 05:17 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you have good support and that dahling could come and cheer you up a bit and be beside you as you sleep - and I'm so sorry you and your family are having to go through all of this - I've been thinking of you lots and been concerned about you but haven't been writing or calling b/c a couple posts ago you said you didn't want a lot of "feel betters" flooding in and just needed to focus on dealing with shit. So I figured the most loving thing I could do was to not do anything. But please know I'm routing for you and thinking of you, and if you do want or need emotional support, or distraction, or whatever I can provide- know I am here for you a phone call or email away. Kisses to you my love and my friend....
Aug. 14th, 2006 05:23 pm (UTC)
I’m sorry you’re stuck dealing with all this responsibility and worry. Good luck to you and your father.

How old is he?
Aug. 14th, 2006 05:32 pm (UTC)
Aug. 14th, 2006 05:27 pm (UTC)
Thinking about you and your lovable family...constantly.

*Love and Hugs*
Aug. 14th, 2006 05:36 pm (UTC)
Sending you positive energy to make all the important decisions you need to make. Hugs****
Aug. 14th, 2006 06:27 pm (UTC)
I know this is incredibly hard. I'm around if you need to talk. I have some experience with close-to-death dad situations :/ My phone is still out, but I am reachable via email. Will be in Brooklyn Thurs-Sunday but maybe if you need it, I can buy you a glass of wine on Sunday at Vintage.

Don't forget to take care of yourself during all this.

Aug. 15th, 2006 05:04 am (UTC)
I understand......we went through the same thing with my Dad....and we did so for many years.....the cleaning out of infections was told described to us as routine...even so, our hearts were always in our throats each and every time....and amputation was always a last resort......I'm praying that it will be the same for your Dad....

You and your family will be in my heart and prayers.....
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )