Boymeat (boymeat) wrote,

Another update.

It's been a hectic time since I last posted.

Dad got operated on again on Thursday. This time it was a much more major operation, going into the entire foot to continue cleaning out the infection and dead tissue. They are running pathology reports on the removed tissue. As early as today, we might know whether or not there is something to save.

I pray that is the case. Amputation will have serious effects on the quality of life for all concerned.

His medical health is getting much better. The doctor informed me that his general medical condition is very much a concern - when going into the hospital, it was the opinion that my Dad would not be able to survive ANY surgical procedure. It is still questionable as to whether or not he could live through an amputation.

These thoughts scare me so much.

Friday I took the day off from work and examined 3 rehab centers. It was a long, hard process, and I grew more and more depressed as the day went on. I think we found our preference for now - and my father might be moved into it as early as tonight.

How am I? I don't know. Unfortunately, my nicotine and caffeine intake has increased dramatically. I am having 2 cups of coffee a day as a standard - usually I am 1 or even less. Cigarettes are being smoked  lots - but I'm not sure how many I am actually finishing. So it's tough to measure.

Thankfully, dahling came down to see me on Thursday night. She was with me through Sunday morning, and it was quite the relief to have the company. I took Saturday off and we enjoyed a nice Saturday in the city together. And on Friday night she came with me to visit my father in the hospital. That was incredibly special to me.

Sadly I now lose her for a week and a half as she has her own work travels.

I'm not sleeping well when alone. This morning I had nightmares the whole night through. Woke up at 2, 3, and 6 in the morning. Wound up taking excedrine migraine at 6:30 AM to silence the pounding headache and enable another hour of sleep.

Still very, very scared. I'm making potentially life-impacting decisions. Major ones. Everyone in my family has informed me that they are behind me 100% - that I am in charge and they are my support staff. I am thankful for the trust in support... but am terrified of it nonetheless. I only hope I am doing the right things.

It kills me that I can't do more.

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