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What is on Boymeat's mind?

I realize I've been kind of quiet on this thing except for small, immaterial items. I suppose I have just been living life. It has become strangely domesticated for me as of late... and I'm enjoying it immensely. Love, partnership, regularity, adventure... there are now things in my life that I feel I can rely upon... the music to sooth the beast within me.

And like many people do with things that are important to them, I have been keeping my feelings close to home. I don't want to make grand announcements, or mass tellings of my joys. I want to cherish them, savor them... share them in more meaningfull interactions with close friends.

It's at times like these that I realize just how many people read me. And in a strangely opposite direction than my sis, lolitasir, who has been sharing much more of her adventures on her blog, I have been keeping mine quiet. I kind of like it that way... for now.

But, my mind has been on a certain topic as of late. Mind you, these thoughts aren't neccessarily tied to any specific thing in my life, but more general thoughts that are floating out there for me.

I was reading an interview with Warren Beatty in this month's issue of GQ (gawd... I can't believe I just admitted that in public.) And something in it that Warren said struck me:

"Shoot. Your. Load. Because life ain't gonna wait. Believe me, I strung out on my adolescence for quite some time. But from the moment I met Annette, I knew. And I thought, Okay, I want this. The first time I had dinner with Annette, I asked her if she wanted to go to my house for dessert. She rolled her eyes and said okay. So there she is, in her sensible car, following me in my midlife-crisis two-seater Benz up to my house in the Hills. And when we get there, we're in my kitchen eating ice-cream, and I just say to her, 'Do you want to have kids with me?' And she says, 'Yes.' And I say, 'Are you serious?' She says 'I'm serious if you're serious.' And I say, 'Good, then...' And that's how it started. I knew. I just knew."

I've heard a lot of people tell me that they knew. On almost all occasions, I have preached patience. I told them to wait, and give it some time. Sometimes my advice proved me right. Other times, I was wrong. I too have felt in the past that I knew. Sometimes I was right... at the time, any way. Other times I was wrong. Once, I knew, but waited too long, and lost it. Once, I knew, but acted too quickly.

Who's to say when is the right time to act on your knowledge? There are no rules... no proven sages who have broken through the mysteries of love and relationships and timing order. A lot of people have claimed to hold the secrets... the cosmic schedule of turning relationships into daily life. Generally, these words from these sages are barely worth the paper they are printed on... if they could find the paper, that is.

Then again, who's to say it is knowledge? Maybe it's instinct... gut reaction. Or perhaps a brave action done by a stunt master... and only after the stunt is over will the people call him a stunning artist or a buffoon who got what was coming to him.

I don't know. I'm no sage. I'm just Phil.


( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 23rd, 2006 06:40 pm (UTC)
I have always said I do not want to lie in my death bed thinking about the would haves, should haves, could haves or the one that got away. LIfe is too short.
No matter where it takes you.

The best quote I've heard on this was "Some things are worth getting your heart broken over."

I truly believe that. I would not be who I am today if it wasn't for the experience I have been through or deliberately put myself through.
My life path has taken some interesting turns. I don't regret a single one.

Best wishes to you on yours. :)
Oct. 23rd, 2006 07:16 pm (UTC)
I don't know if you understood the lyrics, but the end of that song I made for you were taken from Voice Farm's "Thank You":

Thank you, baby, for letting me be
Exactly what I want to be
Thank you, baby, for letting me see
All the possibilities.

I meant that both ways -- I'm thanking you for your part in letting me see possibilities, even when you may not have realize you were doing so.

But also, I imagine you being grateful to your friends who let you be who you are, and help show you the way to be what you want:

"I'm just Phil."
That's a beautiful thing to be.
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 23rd, 2006 08:51 pm (UTC)
When Harry Met Sally, of course.

You should come to NY and I'll take you to Katz's.
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 23rd, 2006 08:52 pm (UTC)
It's made even better when you (hopefully) realize it wasn't a mistake.

Not that I believe it ever could be. Even if it went wrong.

Whatever it is.
Oct. 23rd, 2006 08:46 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but what about the fish?
Oct. 23rd, 2006 08:51 pm (UTC)
Much easier commitment. If they piss you off, flush 'em.
Oct. 23rd, 2006 09:41 pm (UTC)
You can do that with people too... you just need to cut the bodies up a bit first.
Oct. 23rd, 2006 08:54 pm (UTC)
Many Years ago
What know seems like a very long time ago i di a do as I say not as I have done thing . I met someone at an event and knew that she was the right person . The one I had been looking for without knowing I was looking. everyone in my family told me I was insane when she moved across the country 5 weeks later.But I knew . Everyone told her she was crazy because what did we have in common I was a very well know Sadist she not a masochist . How could we know . Well We did and almost 8 years later we are still knowing. I Did it again 2 years Ago I knew . You where there to witness it. I just stayed calm and listened for the warning bells and when there where not any I thought Ok here I go again. Today I am a very blessed and loved Lady. Did I move to quickly ? I would say no I knew myself in a way that said you are the right person for me. Do I believe that that everyone knows themselves that well.. No .But what I do know and live by is this simple sage piece of advice I got from my grandfather " If you ever want to know were you want to be look were your feet are". Love and passion do not have to be dramatic they can be the silence between the words if you listen.
I love you
Oct. 23rd, 2006 08:56 pm (UTC)
Re: Many Years ago
I love that you are here on LJ. I love that you can read my words, and I can be blessed by yours.

Without you and Lolita, I'd be lost.

I love you so very much. Thank you.
Oct. 23rd, 2006 08:57 pm (UTC)
Sure, there are times when you just know... but you have to be clear on what you just know.

I knew when I first saw fangorn--literally, the moment our eyes first met--that I wanted him naked in my bed, and that he wanted that too. I've never felt that type and degree of instant attraction for anyone else, before or since. That didn't mean we could be good lifelong partners for each other, or even, in the end, good friends.

I knew when I first saw sinboy that he was an extraordinarily kind and generous person whose smiles made me feel warm and happy. I didn't know that I wanted to spend my life with him until years later. In fact, even after we fell in love, I worried for a time that he would eventually bore me. (Needless to say, he doesn't.)

It's important to recognize the limits of knowledge-at-first-sight, just like any other kind of knowledge.
Oct. 23rd, 2006 09:45 pm (UTC)
You need a new icon
Oct. 23rd, 2006 09:46 pm (UTC)
The night I met my husband, I knew I had met someone very important to me, but I didn't know which one of the two boys it was. I chose wrong. The second one was the husband, who later became ex. But he was still important to me. And I wouldn't have gotten from A to B without the journey I took with him.

I remember the very first time I met S. It was almost 10 years ago. That image is burnt into my retina. I looked at him and there was raw lust on his face. We didn't do anything about that look for 6 years. And over the last (almost) 4 years, I've discovered that there was a lot more for me under that raw lust than I ever could have imagined. I knew 3 months in that I was in love, and a year in I knew I wanted him in my life forever.

Sometimes it hits you all at once - and sometimes it comes in waves. Each wave has been a certainty. What that means, I am not always sure. But I'm sure that if you sit with it, that knowing will reveal more with time.

Oct. 23rd, 2006 11:44 pm (UTC)
As long as you are enjoying the journey and the company you keep, don't worry about what your destination will be.
Oct. 24th, 2006 12:59 am (UTC)
We need to chat re: SELF?
Oct. 24th, 2006 02:01 pm (UTC)
E-mail me.
Oct. 24th, 2006 06:22 pm (UTC)
still @aol?
Oct. 24th, 2006 02:07 am (UTC)
Dear darling Phil,
I tried to answer this earlier today and was denied by the net gods, not once but many times. So, I am taking that as a sign from the holy hotdish to simplify.

My cards are also so close to my chest that they are damp with persperation and softened. Perhaps, when life throws us together, we can trade quiet stories, but by then... who knows... all these changes may possibly be shared by a simple mutual knowing smile. I have a feeling it will be just that way.

It is good to love.
It is good to be loved.

Risk on Stick Man, I think of you well.
Oct. 24th, 2006 02:02 pm (UTC)
I'm looking forward to smiling with you again.
Oct. 24th, 2006 03:02 am (UTC)
I needed to hear this tonight. Thank you, sweetie. :::hugs:::
Oct. 24th, 2006 06:42 am (UTC)
You are more of a parsley... maybe some thyme.
Oct. 24th, 2006 02:01 pm (UTC)
I adore you.
Oct. 24th, 2006 04:43 pm (UTC)
When I first met you, you said something about trying to balance the chaos and the calm. And it sounds like you're finding that balance lately.
Oct. 26th, 2006 04:44 pm (UTC)
*...I am really happy for you...
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )