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Feeling fragile.

My back, while getting better, feels brittle. I can't shake the feeling that it is one step away from just snapping, leaving me collapsed on the floor like broken refuse.

My emotional state of being is in a somewhat similar state. I am uncertain... unsure... where I am in the world right now. My confidence level is not very high. I sometimes feel unattractive, unsteady. There is a lot of "uns" in my life right now.

One step to recovery would be trying to figure out how much of my emotional well-being is tied to my physical. Is it my bad back that is causing my emotional duress? Or is there more to the emotional side?

I suspect that there is. I feel deep aching need for intimacy, for connection. I want to lay on a bed with intimate partners and be bathed by positive emotion and sensuality.

I want someone I enjoy to be naked, hugging me, allowing me to cry in moments of intimacy.

I feel fragile. So I expose myself and my emotions to the world, to possibly help me gain strength. I write these words not necessarily as a cry for attention, but for an admittance of self. To allow my feelings an outlet, to possibly free me from them so I can turn the corner.

I wear my emotions on my sleeves. It is who I am.


Aug. 7th, 2007 06:36 pm (UTC)
This is like the moon thinking it is unattractive.
Just look at the ocean, the rivers, the streams, and see how all of them are pulled toward you.

If your back DID break and you WERE lying broken on the floor (which IT won't and YOU won't btw), there would be a huge-ass line of people clamouring to get the privlege of carrying you around.

I, for example, would be one of them .....
Aug. 8th, 2007 01:07 am (UTC)
And I would help her.
We work remarkably well as a team.

And if your decratively painted trundle needed extra adornment, the woods would be searched for flowers and shiny green frogs to add a festive touch to the hand made conveyance of our merry king. And should that king need to weep, soft hands and tender hearts could accept those tears and touch them with care and understanding.

Reach out to those close to you in New York, let in the love that you need right now.