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I'm too busy to have an actual intelligent thought today.

So, borrowed from sweets00 who borrowed it from someone who borrowed it from someone (as memes are known to be borrowed), here is one for today:

Write yourself the most unattractive Personal Ad possible, without either making anything up about yourself, or sounding like you're trying to be unappealing.

My two takes:

Take One - Arguable Male, begrudgingly over 30. Hopeless romantic seeks filthy whore.

Ruled way too appealing.

Take Two - 31 year old paranoid New York male Jew who keeps getting mistaken for a FTM and has never seen the inside of a gym in his life seeks partner to serve as a living, breathing Real Doll. Expected to create specific body odors at my whim (buying deodorant supports terrorists), keep excellent care of feet, be escorted into public and/or private bathrooms for filthy sex acts at a moments notice, and act out incest fantasies that would make Caligula blush. Pain tolerance is a must, as is superior knowledge of cover-up makeup. Must be caring, sweet, intelligent, sane, and MUST meet my mother. Excellent naked cooks a plus.

In other news, I think I might be in the upcoming Time Out New York sex issue. I'll update you all as it comes closer.


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 25th, 2007 05:59 pm (UTC)
yes.. take one, too appealing.

take two? still appealing (except for stinky factor!)

try again? lol
Sep. 25th, 2007 06:01 pm (UTC)
I still think take 2 has its appeal. :)

Sep. 25th, 2007 06:11 pm (UTC)
Mistaken for FTM? How odd. Unless FTM = sweet boy.

I have to admit that it sounds reasonably appealing to me too, sorry. :) Maybe it's because we know you?
Sep. 25th, 2007 06:12 pm (UTC)
pleasantly plump female in mid-30s prone to outbursts and random bitchiness seeks very understanding lover with minimum body odor issues and/or excellent cleansing regime.
Sep. 25th, 2007 06:13 pm (UTC)
oh and my gf loves to cook naked.. its the best thing ever. Except she's learned to wear the apron when cooking bacon.
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 26th, 2007 11:34 am (UTC)
I'm not sure. I cook sausage with the lid on.
Sep. 25th, 2007 06:31 pm (UTC)
Heh...here is my attempt.

"33 y/o Man with "Harkonnesque" physique currently between jobs and homes looking for woman into being used as punching bag and urinal. Must enjoy extended bouts of oral sex (giving not receiving) and trying to breath with a bag over your head. Height/Weight not as important as desire for abuse. Must enjoy camping and living under bridges. Willingness to support me till I can get my shit together a big plus, expect many bouts of stress relieving beatings and choking".
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 25th, 2007 06:49 pm (UTC)
Pleasure to finally be introduced. Big fan of your work.
Sep. 25th, 2007 06:55 pm (UTC)
Honey, that Time Out NY Sex issue is totally due to the sex bloggers. We are all over it.
Sep. 26th, 2007 12:42 am (UTC)
I could totally identify you out of a whole newspaper of personals based on that second ad.

And I have a naked cook right now!
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:16 am (UTC)
"In other news, I think I might be in the upcoming Time Out New York sex issue."

Hey, me too! Do you know when that's coming out?
Sep. 26th, 2007 04:08 pm (UTC)
No...still too hot. Like the perfect man kind've HAWT...

Also, thanks for the new fetish. Like I needed another one. Especially one that costs six thousand dollars !!!

Sep. 27th, 2007 01:41 am (UTC)
...What kind of body odors? I seem to remember you thinking my feet were too clean.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )