When going out for a cigarette break, or for lunch, you expect to see the sidewalk streaming with people rushing to get where they need to be. Today, it is empty. The traffic, light. The line at the Chinese restaurant, barely there.
It almost makes me feel like I'm in a movie. Somehow the camera has focused on me, walking bewildered down the sidewalk, no one else around. Left alone to stew in my thoughts, my emotions.
I spent a lot of time this weekend huddled within my apartment. Instead of going out, I invited people in. But, against my usual instincts, I also asked them to leave. There was a certain amount of time I wanted with people. And then I also felt the urge to be alone. Thankfully, I have friends who are very gracious... thank you.
I felt the pull to continue creating my place of comfort. Re-identifying my apartment as a safe space, my refuge.
Yet sometimes, like this morning when my body woke up much earlier than planned, I felt lonely.
The sidewalks are empty. I think I'm a little too.