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The streets are empty, but what about me?

It's so eerie working on a holiday.

When going out for a cigarette break, or for lunch, you expect to see the sidewalk streaming with people rushing to get where they need to be. Today, it is empty. The traffic, light. The line at the Chinese restaurant, barely there.

It almost makes me feel like I'm in a movie. Somehow the camera has focused on me, walking bewildered down the sidewalk, no one else around. Left alone to stew in my thoughts, my emotions.

I spent a lot of time this weekend huddled within my apartment. Instead of going out, I invited people in. But, against my usual instincts, I also asked them to leave. There was a certain amount of time I wanted with people. And then I also felt the urge to be alone. Thankfully, I have friends who are very gracious... thank you.

I felt the pull to continue creating my place of comfort. Re-identifying my apartment as a safe space, my refuge.

Yet sometimes, like this morning when my body woke up much earlier than planned, I felt lonely.

The sidewalks are empty. I think I'm a little too.


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 12th, 2007 06:33 pm (UTC)
Personally, I am much more comfortable coming into people's space if I feel confident that they will ask me to leave when they want me to. :)
Nov. 12th, 2007 06:41 pm (UTC)
Nov. 12th, 2007 07:03 pm (UTC)
I agree with petal - I never want to overstay my welcome. My closest friends are the ones I can say, "Okay, it's time for you to go now," and they totally get it. They can say the same to me. I love my friends, but I also love my space and my alone time.

As for the strangeness of the workday, I haven't really felt it today, but when I work during the week between Christmas and New Year's, I always feel like that. It's like a Ghost Town.
Nov. 12th, 2007 07:14 pm (UTC)
It is, isn't it? Like working in a ghost town.

Is it a good movie? I mean does it have a good plot? Interesting characters?

Feeling lonely and being lonely are two entirely different things imo. Were you lonely or did you just feel lonely?
Nov. 12th, 2007 07:55 pm (UTC)
The last bit of yours is a very good question.

I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nov. 12th, 2007 07:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I do try. Or I am trying? I don't remember. ;)

Please let me know if you do.
Nov. 12th, 2007 07:36 pm (UTC)
Working today as well....was pleasantly suprised to find the lunch counter empty (and serving one of my favorites--bonus!)
Nov. 12th, 2007 07:55 pm (UTC)
It's so nice to see your goofy mug in my journal!

*happy sigh*
Nov. 12th, 2007 08:03 pm (UTC)
I was on the upper west side this morning, wondering why it was so quiet. I forgot about the holiday. I need to get with the program. Also, I third the petal.
Nov. 12th, 2007 09:18 pm (UTC)
Today is a holiday? What holiday? Everyone in my school is working...:(
Nov. 12th, 2007 09:29 pm (UTC)
Re: What?
Today is the federal observance of Veteran's Day, which was actually yesterday.
Nov. 12th, 2007 09:55 pm (UTC)
Re: What?
Oh - those crazy federal holidays. Wouldnt it have been nice to crawl under your desk for 10-15 mins. :)
Nov. 12th, 2007 10:19 pm (UTC)
Dear Man, those empty feelings, those new spaces are making room for all the love and new things and people that are heading your way. That ache, that expansion, are the exact signs that you are moving through this. You are letting yourself feel and be present.

Your heart is making room.

You are intensely loveable, those spaces that hurt and feel hollow will not be so long. You are a person who bubbles with life, you practically percolate. As you heal and move forward, those hollow feeling spaces will fill again with Phil flavored goodness and you will find yourself once again abundant with love, both in what you can give, and in what you can receive. You are in my thoughts.
Nov. 13th, 2007 12:43 pm (UTC)
*leaves a pebble*

Edited at 2007-11-13 12:43 pm (UTC)
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )