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The obligatory New Year's Post.

When sitting down to write this post, I'm struck with an odd comparison I have rolling around in my head. 2007 was the year I met all the sex bloggers - I feel like there has been a huge upswing here, either of sex blogging in general, or just my exposure to them. Friends of mine have been starting up specific sex blogs of their own, and there is an amazing amount of sexual analysis, interpretation, and discussion happening all around me.

I read them, but I don't take part in the conversations. Why? Because I don't analyze my kink. I don't think obsessively about my sex. I frankly couldn't give one shit why I have x kink, or why I'm into doing but not z. I know what gets me off, and I do it. It makes me happy. And when I find something else that intrigues me, I do it. Simple as that. I cum, therefore I am, I suppose.

So, I don't have a "sex blog." Sometimes I write about sex here, but sometimes I don't. I'm a fake blogger walking in a world of bloggers. I'm an ignorant fucker in a world of intellectuals who philosophize about sex. And I'm OK with that.

But what I do very well is obsess about the past. I think about the past a lot, where I've been, experiences I had, people who have been in my life. I try very hard to stay in the present, but my mind does tend to drift into the past quite a bit. Thus, the odd comparison mentioned in the opening paragraph. I may not obsess about my sex, but I obsess about where I've been.

I'm about to head out of my apartment for my traditional celebration/avoidance of the New Year. When bringing down my suitcase to pack for the festivities, I knocked another box that I've had stored in my closet for quite some time. In it are a bunch of items from an old relationship. A framed photo, a newspaper, gifts given to me, and other things very special then. I haven't opened that box in 2 years. And here it fell down onto me. A world of memory crashing down.

I think of the people who have come with me to our New Years festivities. Some who still come and I am friends with. Some who aren't talking to me anymore, despite me wanting to reach out and say hi. Others still awkward and uncertain. Or others still who couldn't be with me due to being so far away, despite me wanting them to. Or who can't now for the same reasons.

A part of me wants to surround myself with them, and celebrate the love we have and had. Because my memory always goes back to the good moments, the special moments, the reasons why our paths joined together for however long.

That can't happen, except in my mind. And in my mind, it happens a lot.

I'm surrounded by love now. I have someone in my apartment right now who will be with us for the first time ever on this journey of New Years debauchery. It will be fabulous. I have wonderful families, both in blood and leather, who shower me with affection. I have my slave, who I do love so very much, and who will be coming with me in the form of a Ohio State hooded sweatshirt. I have my sister Lolita, of whom much has been said. I have my friends, who will be with me tonight and tomorrow. So, yes, yay for the now as well.

So. The year. 2007. It was a tough year. It started out really nice... but, it grew tougher. A whole lot of breakups this year. Medical issues abound. Stress, heartache. The return of the emo Phil. It was a tough year.

I'm waiting for that singularly excellent year. It has never quite happened yet. I wonder if it possible. 2008 hasn't started yet, so theoretically, this could be it.

I'm not ready just yet to give up on 2007. I will be tomorrow though. Yeah, I think so.

Happy New Year's everyone. And to all who I have loved, and who have loved me - thank you. I still think of you fondly, even now.


( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 30th, 2007 10:55 pm (UTC)
I thought 2007 would be excellent. I was wrong. So maybe if we hope for a mediocre 2008, we will be pleasantly surprised?
Dec. 30th, 2007 11:08 pm (UTC)
Sometimes the best thing about a year is when it ends. You are more than welcome to join us tomorrow night if you like.
Dec. 30th, 2007 11:40 pm (UTC)
You're not fake anything, you're real Boymeat. I think the benefit of the format is that it is whatever you want it to be. You've written about some scene issues I would never have known about. You've also been part of the scene far longer and influenced it positively in many ways many of us bloggers never will.

For me, your introspection and your ability to write about it, is what's hot.

Happy new year, dearie.
Dec. 31st, 2007 03:35 pm (UTC)
You honor me so much, and I'm blushing from ear to ear.

Happy new years to you as well. I'm looking forward to another year of friendship with the blog mom. ;-)
Dec. 31st, 2007 12:14 am (UTC)
i think 2007 was about working through issues for a lot of people. something tells me that 2008 could be extraordinary, if the lines i see converging actually meet.
Dec. 31st, 2007 01:30 am (UTC)
I was thinking about New Years and missing you...
Dec. 31st, 2007 03:26 pm (UTC)
Yes. *sigh* Yes.
Dec. 31st, 2007 02:21 am (UTC)
nothing productive to say, but *hugs* here's looking forward to spending some quality time with you in 2008 :)
Dec. 31st, 2007 02:30 am (UTC)

Also, I would love to not feel the compulsive need to sit around analyzing my feelings about sex. I think your method is much healthier :)
Dec. 31st, 2007 03:26 pm (UTC)
We can work on this.
Jan. 1st, 2008 08:26 pm (UTC)
The only trick is getting rid of the "compulsive" while keeping the enjoyment of writing about what I choose to when I choose to :)
Dec. 31st, 2007 03:06 am (UTC)
Here's to a new year Phil, may we both find good things for ourselves when we get there. :)
Dec. 31st, 2007 07:19 am (UTC)
I think 2008's gonna be a good year. I mean, look at all those nice round numbers! ;-)

Happy New Year :-)
Dec. 31st, 2007 03:15 pm (UTC)
I love that you don't analyze your kink. To me it kind of destroys it when everything is taken apart and viewed. I love to be "in" the moment.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 10:34 am (UTC)
Happy New Year! We hope to see you at many things again this year, keep up the blogs it's kewl to read you.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 07:09 pm (UTC)
Having sex is much more fun than just writing about it.
I vote for more in 2008.
Ok, wait, I take that back...
I vote for more of it than was in the second half of 2007.

2007 started of so wonderfully, and turned out to be...really chaotic, so I'm with you there.

But, hey... I got to meet you, and that was one of the nicest things for me in late 2007.

Jan. 14th, 2008 01:23 am (UTC)
I just read this tonight...

and it makes me *sigh*...sweetly...not sadly
Jan. 14th, 2008 04:26 pm (UTC)
You were very much in my thoughts when I wrote this post. It was the box of you that fell on my head... It had been a long time since I held that garter.
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )