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Dorkness is me. Film at 11.

OK, I'm officially a bigfatdork(tm).  (And I'm about to get fatter.)

I'm now the proud owner of 6 (!!!) bottles of Kosher-For-Passover Coca-Cola.

These are very special bottles of corporate-created liquid drugs. You know they are special because of their cool "I'm so much cooler than regular 'ole red bottle caps" yellow bottle caps. There is Hebrew writing on the cap, which I'm sure translates literally to "kosher for Passover" but really flags yellow for "your piss will taste so much better!"

The major difference? Regular old Coke that you can buy in the states is made with high-fructose corn syrup, aka a sugar-like substance made by chemists in super-sekrit labs that is a whole lot cheaper and twenty-three times as bad for you. These rabbinically-blessed bottles in my possession are made with blessed by mother nature sucrose, aka, sugar. Simple, wonderful, fuck-you-chemistry sugar.

Why do I own 6 bottles? Because in all the years I've known the existence of these bottles, I could never find one. Finding a bottle in a store in NYC is like searching for the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, endlessly frustrating you and mocking you all at the same time.

In a flash of brilliance, I decided to search online for them, and 'lo and behold, Fresh Direct came down through the clouds and said yes, we will bring them to you, my child. And since there is such a limited time period that one can buy the holy grail of soda, I decided to stock up.

Considering the actual amount of soda I consume at home, these 6 bottles should last a good long time.

(Of course, all the NY'ers on my list are reading this and laughing at me, seeing as they've been drinking the good stuff for years and know exactly which stores to buy them in and boy Phil are you behind the times you idiot.) (*blows raspberries at all of you*)

I wonder if I should buy more... for emergency purposes.


( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 13th, 2008 04:51 pm (UTC)
Look in the Mexican Groceries, they have them all year long. Their version of Coke is also HFCS free.

You can also get cane sugar made Dr-Pepper from http://www.dublindrpepper.com/ one of the original distributors in Texas. However, that you have to mail order.
Apr. 13th, 2008 04:53 pm (UTC)
You are now officially one of my targets for the aforementioned raspberry-blowing.
Apr. 13th, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC)
So do they taste any different?
Apr. 13th, 2008 04:57 pm (UTC)
They really do. The good stuff has none of that cloyingly, chemical sweet aftertaste that stays with you. The sweetness is there in the taste, but it isn't as rank, it's more subtle and purer.

Here is a great review of it: http://offthebroiler.wordpress.com/2007/03/13/kosher-for-passover-coke-its-the-real-thing-baby/
Apr. 13th, 2008 05:06 pm (UTC)
That's exactly what I was going to ask. I may have to try this.

Will it turn me Jewish?
Apr. 13th, 2008 05:07 pm (UTC)
You got any Jewish in you?

Do you want some?


(psst: write me an e-mail or two back!)

Edited at 2008-04-13 05:11 pm (UTC)
Apr. 13th, 2008 05:12 pm (UTC)
Hey, is that salami kosher?
Apr. 13th, 2008 05:13 pm (UTC)
Apr. 13th, 2008 05:13 pm (UTC)
High fructose corn syrup is illegal as a food additive in some countries.

Interestingly enough, in the US, where is is perfectly acceptable as a food additive, we have the highest diabetes rates in the world.

Sorry to be all medically-scientific today
Apr. 13th, 2008 05:15 pm (UTC)
We are lucky in CA. The Costco's here sell Mexican Coke which has real sugar all year. :)

Edited at 2008-04-13 05:15 pm (UTC)
Apr. 13th, 2008 06:42 pm (UTC)
Thank goodness you're doing it "just for the taste of it." The thought of you being KP would just be too much for my delicate sensibilities to process.
Apr. 13th, 2008 06:54 pm (UTC)
Having done the side-by-side taste test, I was pretty disappointed.

Real sugar tastes freakin' gross.
Apr. 13th, 2008 07:15 pm (UTC)
I am luckly the part of Queens I live in is right next to a very large Jewish Community [Kew Gardens]. I know The Key food that is about 2-3 bocks from me will have it plus there is a small kosher "deli" type store called Mazal's that I know will have it the next few weeks. I plan to stock up with as many as I can get. If I can not get K-P Coke in these two stores I know three other places down Maint Street that will carry it.

IMHO you should buy more... for, as you say, emergency purposes ;-)

BTW You are of course correct about the Hebrew which I believe is "Kosher L’Pesach" or "kosher for Passover"

Now I am going out to buy mine :-)
Apr. 13th, 2008 07:39 pm (UTC)
You think it's hard to find in NYC? Try Ohio.

Now, I'm craving some. Going to have to go in search of it over the next few days.
Apr. 13th, 2008 07:44 pm (UTC)
Huh. (Sorry I didn't make it out on Friday; work ran late, and I didn't have your number.)
Apr. 13th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
If I had known you had a hankering for HFCS-free coke, I would have stocked up for you. The groceries here always have a bunch around March-April.

Apr. 13th, 2008 09:06 pm (UTC)
Come to the suburbs of Massachusetts. We have KFP Coke coming out our haggadot!
Apr. 13th, 2008 09:54 pm (UTC)
Getting excited about Real Coke is by no ways dorky!!

If you share with me, I'll be your new best friend!! :-D

Though I suppose I'll have a nice amount of Real Coke in France this summer...
Apr. 14th, 2008 01:19 am (UTC)
So I'm driving home tonight wondering if I need to stop at the super market for anything and then starting thinking about this Coke. Then it hits me! I have a very Jewish super market near me! They must have Kosher Coke!

I pull in and bee line for the Kosher section- and there it is: rows and rows of yellow capped Coke, just waiting to be taken home. I picked up 2, as that was all my arms could carry at the moment, but rest assured, I will stock up on more.

Sorry, guess you'll need to find a new best friend ;-)
Apr. 13th, 2008 10:34 pm (UTC)

I wonder if we can find it at Whole Foods here in Georgia.

Perhaps -- East Cobb has a fairly large Jewish community.
Apr. 13th, 2008 11:18 pm (UTC)
Kosher Kroger in Toco Hills, betcha a dollar!
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 14th, 2008 12:38 pm (UTC)
Just remember to warn our Southern Cousins that our Mountain Dew and other light-coloured sodas, in addition to having no HFCS, also have no caffeine! It comes as a shock and can really mess with any hardcore caffeine addict.
Apr. 14th, 2008 01:25 pm (UTC)
Mountain Dew without caffeine? Isn't that kind of like orange juice without orange?
Apr. 14th, 2008 03:00 pm (UTC)
Did you know there's Sunny- D in Mountain Dew?
Apr. 14th, 2008 01:25 pm (UTC)
I think I'm good with my current bunker supplies. :-)
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )