Boymeat (boymeat) wrote,

  • Mood:

Dorkness is me. Film at 11.

OK, I'm officially a bigfatdork(tm).  (And I'm about to get fatter.)

I'm now the proud owner of 6 (!!!) bottles of Kosher-For-Passover Coca-Cola.

These are very special bottles of corporate-created liquid drugs. You know they are special because of their cool "I'm so much cooler than regular 'ole red bottle caps" yellow bottle caps. There is Hebrew writing on the cap, which I'm sure translates literally to "kosher for Passover" but really flags yellow for "your piss will taste so much better!"

The major difference? Regular old Coke that you can buy in the states is made with high-fructose corn syrup, aka a sugar-like substance made by chemists in super-sekrit labs that is a whole lot cheaper and twenty-three times as bad for you. These rabbinically-blessed bottles in my possession are made with blessed by mother nature sucrose, aka, sugar. Simple, wonderful, fuck-you-chemistry sugar.

Why do I own 6 bottles? Because in all the years I've known the existence of these bottles, I could never find one. Finding a bottle in a store in NYC is like searching for the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, endlessly frustrating you and mocking you all at the same time.

In a flash of brilliance, I decided to search online for them, and 'lo and behold, Fresh Direct came down through the clouds and said yes, we will bring them to you, my child. And since there is such a limited time period that one can buy the holy grail of soda, I decided to stock up.

Considering the actual amount of soda I consume at home, these 6 bottles should last a good long time.

(Of course, all the NY'ers on my list are reading this and laughing at me, seeing as they've been drinking the good stuff for years and know exactly which stores to buy them in and boy Phil are you behind the times you idiot.) (*blows raspberries at all of you*)

I wonder if I should buy more... for emergency purposes.

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