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Weather, I'm breaking up with you.

Dear weather,

I understand your need to be noticed and paid attention to. We all love a little attention, and thus I didn't complain when you decided to celebrate the beginning of June with rain.

I was a little annoyed when you decided that the second week of June also merited rain.

Now we're in the third week, and I have to say, we really need to talk. I think you need to take another look at your actions in this relationship and maybe consider some other avenues to express yourself. Because by showering me with constant wetness or consistently threatening me with it, you are oppressing all the other forms of expression you could be taking.

In other words, knock it the fuck off. You've overplayed the rain card. Seriously. Pick another expression, or I just might have to break up with you.

Oh, and if you decide to rain during Leather Pride Night, or Folsom Street East, or Leather Retreat, I will scream very loudly. I'll scream so loud that you'll... you'll... well, you'll just have to exclaim "wow, that was very loud."

Really. We're done with the rain. Thanks.


PS: I could love you again. Think about it.


( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 18th, 2009 02:37 pm (UTC)
Dear Phil,

Your mama.

No love,

The Weather

PS: Rain or shine, I hid your neoprene shirt.
Jun. 18th, 2009 02:43 pm (UTC)
Noooooooo!!!!!!!! Neoprene is so sexy. I must wear the neoprene to be so sexy. (Funnier if you read that in a fake Spanish accent.)
Jun. 18th, 2009 02:37 pm (UTC)
well if it does rain at leather retreat we can play in the mud.
Jun. 18th, 2009 02:45 pm (UTC)
I tried that before at camp. It was cold, and the mud smelled really bad. Biological mud = yucky.
Jun. 18th, 2009 02:46 pm (UTC)
well that's no fun. I like warmer mud.
Jun. 18th, 2009 02:59 pm (UTC)
At least now we'll know who to blame if we get hit by some worse form of weather. ;)

Be careful what you ask for.
Jun. 18th, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC)
Let a catsuit be your umbrella

Take it as a sign from heaven to get more into latex. Srsly.

Jun. 18th, 2009 03:12 pm (UTC)
Re: Let a catsuit be your umbrella

Oh, and please don't take "catsuit" in the above literally.

Jun. 18th, 2009 03:40 pm (UTC)
Re: Let a catsuit be your umbrella
Aw rats. I had a fantasy brewing where I was Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns.
Jun. 18th, 2009 03:43 pm (UTC)

No, you'd look good in that, especially with your metrosexual hair. I meant a suit made of actual cat. Because, well, you know.

Jun. 18th, 2009 03:16 pm (UTC)
I could love you again.

Yeah, but you could top mother nature?
Jun. 18th, 2009 03:26 pm (UTC)
Dear Phil,

We have received your letter and understand your dismay. We have received letters of dissatisfaction from other customers as well. In an attempt to provide a wide range of customer service, effective immediately, we will transition your weather in a new process of swapping.

Shortly, the Phoenix weather will be arriving for you. We think this will immediately resolve your rain issue, though you may be slightly unprepared for issues like runways that soften in the heat. Phoenix has indicated that they are prepared for flash flooding and can handle the export of your weather. Someone named pig seemed most excited about having a natural mud wallow and sends her love.

We remind you that once this switch occurs, we will be unable to install your prior Weather 1.0 system, and your next estimated date of enjoyable termperature should occur in approximately November.

The Weather Girls

(cue music)

It's raining men, Hallelujah, it's raining men!

Jun. 18th, 2009 03:40 pm (UTC)
Kathryn will be home to sign for the package.

Jun. 18th, 2009 03:30 pm (UTC)
You know, another form expression could be a monsoon or worse. Or a drought. Or a sudden ice storm just as you're about to cane someone at the festival.

Don't mess with Mother Nature. Seriously, it's asking, no begging for trouble.

And as I recall, you suck at begging.....

Love you kid.
Jun. 18th, 2009 03:54 pm (UTC)
i feel your pain, dude. tulsa had 21 straight days of rain in may, and it got old real quick.
Jun. 18th, 2009 04:12 pm (UTC)
Warmer weather
Warmer weather = More exposed feet?

More feet!
Jun. 18th, 2009 04:33 pm (UTC)
Re: Warmer weather
At last, the root of the problem: It's too cold for toes.
Jun. 18th, 2009 05:19 pm (UTC)
Re: Warmer weather
Ok, now I'm more excited about the summer.
Jun. 18th, 2009 04:52 pm (UTC)
At least your not going home to an uninsulated cabin with holes in the walls that sits on concrete stilts at the bottom of a hill where all the rain collects in a giant mud pit. Just sayin' is all :-p
Jun. 18th, 2009 05:45 pm (UTC)
That sounds like Oink cabin at Leather Retreat!
Jun. 18th, 2009 08:14 pm (UTC)
I'm with you......I'm kicking weather to the curb!!
Jun. 19th, 2009 01:06 am (UTC)
Would 95-degree heat and 100% humidity really be better, though?
Jun. 19th, 2009 05:35 am (UTC)
*gigglesnort* Mother Nature is a whore.
Jun. 23rd, 2009 05:05 am (UTC)
if you could get that rain sent out to California, I'd happily trade you a few weeks of our sunshine. we can discuss postage!
Jul. 29th, 2009 03:51 pm (UTC)
Your woman is funny as hell.
Just saying.
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )