Boymeat (boymeat) wrote,

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Tomorrow came, and I sit silently.

I'm not going public. I can't. 
I can't say who it is. 
Because I have nothing to back it up. 
See, here is the thing. This person is actually a brilliant presenter. They teach safe techniques all the way through, is approachable and well-spoken, and is friendly as they come. In public, they are a dream presenter - knows their shit, teaches and entertains, offers to help out if its needed. In the public dungeon, they do scenes that draw a crowd. Safe, hard edgy play that elicits gasps and awe, and everyone wants to play with them. 
On paper, a dream presenter. 
In private, that's where the problem lies. Behind closed doors, where no one sees. I've heard story after story after story of people this person has hurt. People left behind, mere shells of who they were, due to various combination's of both physical and emotional violence. Safewords blown right through, edgy technique bordering insanity, and people get hurt. I watched a rare public version of one of these scenes with my own two eyes. And it was horrible to watch. 
But I have no proof. No one has ever stepped up to say this is what they did to me. No one saw, no one knows. It all gets swept under the rug time and time again. 
So they keep getting invited. And I have to sit on the sidelines and bite my tongue.

Do I know people who played with this person? Yep. Some of them have enjoyed themselves even, had a good time. Walked out unscathed and happy. And I'm glad for them, glad that they had the experiences they negotiated for and received. But there are others who aren't as lucky.
People close to me know my feelings. I warn my friends when I can. Alas, as much as I want to, I can't save the world. 
It sucks. It sucks that I can't stand up and scream my fucking lungs out like I want to. Because if I did, *I would be the one ostracized*. I would be the bad guy, who everyone hates. 
I wish I was an asshole. I wish I didn't care. I've been brooding about this for practically a decade, and I'm sick of it. But then I think of that newbie drawn starry-eyed to them, and I think fuck, another one. There goes another one. 
There goes another victim.

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