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Well, that sucked.

I had a most uncomfortable phone call this morning. A friend of mine was found dead over Christmas break. Right now we aren't sure what caused the death - it might have been self-inflicted, but there is also an investigation pending on foul play.

That right there, sucked. This is a person who was like a fallen angel. He fell, and fell hard. Got involved with the completely wrong crowd, practically destroyed himself in the process, and was finally getting back on his feet and trying to make something of his life. I saw him not too long ago... and there was a spark in his eyes that I hadn't seen in a long long time.

Now he's gone. Fuck.

This boy had moved away from his home city to be in NYC. He had friends where he was... and one that he was exceptionally close too. I am close to that one as well. I needed to be the one to tell him.

I have never had to make that phone call. I have been the bearer of bad news before, but not quite like this.

I never want to do that again. No one else is allowed to die in my life. Do you understand? No one!!!

No more death. I'm done with it.

I'll miss you b.


( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 6th, 2004 12:58 pm (UTC)
I had to do just that, once. The thing that helped me was knowing I could deliver that terrible, awful news with love and support. In some ways, I trust myself to do something of this caliber more than I trust anyone else to do so.

I'm sorry it fell into your lap, although unsurprised that you were able to handle it. But moreso, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope he finds peace and rest postlife that, it sounds like, he was unable to find while here.

*hugs* Love you.
Jan. 6th, 2004 01:48 pm (UTC)
I understand entirely what you mean about trusting yourself more. The person who notified me about the death asked me for this friend's number, so that he could inform him.

I knew I had to be the one. No one else could. I knew I had to call him.
Jan. 7th, 2004 01:56 am (UTC)
*hugs* Baby, as awful as I realize that must have been for you, you were the best person I could hear that from. Being with you and Dan and Jas when I found out was the best way to deal with that awful situation that could have existed. Thank you.

Jan. 6th, 2004 01:24 pm (UTC)
I know how much this sucks. I had to do it when Leonard died.
Jan. 6th, 2004 01:37 pm (UTC)
Jan. 6th, 2004 01:38 pm (UTC)

I'm sorry that you lost a friend, and that the weight of notification and comfort fell on your shoulders, but I'm sure you did a better job of it than many others could ...
Jan. 6th, 2004 01:50 pm (UTC)
*hug* I'm so sorry to hear about this but I know that the person who had to hear the news no doubt appreciated it being delivered by you, someone who knew and cared for the one who died rather than one for whom your friend was merely a statistic and possibly a victim.
Jan. 6th, 2004 01:57 pm (UTC)

Many more of the in person variety available next time I see you.
Jan. 6th, 2004 02:18 pm (UTC)

Dude...that does suck. I'm sorry.
Jan. 6th, 2004 03:21 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss.

Jan. 6th, 2004 06:06 pm (UTC)
Jan. 6th, 2004 07:26 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I'm sorry for your loss, if you need anything, just ask, I'll do whatever's in my power to help.
Jan. 6th, 2004 08:32 pm (UTC)
Jan. 6th, 2004 09:45 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry
My heart is with you my friend.
Jan. 7th, 2004 01:57 am (UTC)
Ah, love, when do you get a break? I'm sure you did a good job, you're the right combination of strong enough and compassionate... but fuck, man....

It just all keeps piling on you. When do you get a break?

*glares at the Shit Faerie*

No more. Boymeat gets love, peace and tenderness now. No more, universe!
Jan. 7th, 2004 05:23 am (UTC)
*big hugs*

I'm sorry, both for your loss and the painful role you had to play. You are a very, very good friend.
Jan. 7th, 2004 06:42 am (UTC)
Remember when a good friend of mine died, another childhood friend had to tell me. I know he dreaded it but it brought me and the other person closer.
We are here for you ..
Jan. 7th, 2004 07:50 am (UTC)
So sorry sweetie! I won't offer words to comfort you since, you know them all by now.

I'm here and always will be.
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )